Well I don't think taking a bath will wash off either of those things. Believe me, I spent most of the morning trying to scrub off my words. They don't go away.
So if I can't help you get cleaner, I'd like to help you feel less gross in other ways.
[Which is when he'll grab for Allen's hand to gently tug him closer. No bad excuses for no hugs! There will be hugs!]
Even if you don't feel too bad about what happened to Spike.
[Said instantly, and with no doubt.]
Not everyone is gonna get along, and that's okay. Plenty of people died here that I felt kinda sad about, but not really badly. Everyone feels differently about each person.
Besides, I like ALL of you, not just the parts of you that agree with what I say.
[this is only a halfway dubious look but it's less because he doesn't believe Rin and more because he can't really grasp the fact that someone would really like all of him.]
Half of my soul is a murderous demon that wants to fight or burn everyone here. Everyone's got problems, it's fine. I mean it when I say I want all of you.
Are you always gonna use that as your argument? If you're gonna bring up the fact that you're half-demon, at least stop separating it out. You're you. I'm me. And unfortunately, I'm not as nice or patient or forgiving as I try really hard to be, but I don't got the excuse of being half-demon and even the monsters I have in me aren't why I'm like this.
[and it's gross and he really sometimes wishes his own lies were the reality, but they're just not. and maybe he shouldn't be saying any of this but, well...]
What, that's what's got you so upset? That you're not always nice and patient?
[He smiles.]
I already said it, didn't I? I like you for who you are. ALL of you. Even on the days when you're not forgiving. Even on the days when you feel gross and try to wash it away. I'm sad that you're hurting like that, and it makes me wanna do whatever I can to help make the pain less, but I'm not gonna tell you to hide that part of yourself because all of you is important.
But you know, you don't have to smile if you can't, Allen. I can smile enough for both of us, until you feel like you can smile again.
[... when you just want to be angry because you've got a lot of unfair hurt stashed away but there's actually no one to lash out at and the only person around right now is someone more like how you try to be.
so you bring a shaky human fist down against his shoulder because you're really trying to keep it together. it's not as hard or heavy a blow as it could be, actually pretty light, really.]
Don't. If you're not feeling like it, either. I don't want it.
[That fist doesn't hurt at all, nope. And Rin is instead going to reach up to try and move that fist so the hand is placed palm-flat against Rin's chest instead.]
You feel that?
[His heart is beating at a steady, though somewhat rapid, beat.]
That's what you do to me. I'm smiling because I want to, so don't ever doubt that. Just being around you makes it really easy to smile.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 03:42 am (UTC)Well I don't think taking a bath will wash off either of those things. Believe me, I spent most of the morning trying to scrub off my words. They don't go away.
So if I can't help you get cleaner, I'd like to help you feel less gross in other ways.
[Which is when he'll grab for Allen's hand to gently tug him closer. No bad excuses for no hugs! There will be hugs!]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 03:52 am (UTC)Even if I don't feel too bad 'bout what happened with Spike?
[asked bluntly and no honorifics because. that's the mood right now. in fact, Allen's polite gentleman-speak has just dropped off quite a bit]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 03:57 am (UTC)[Said instantly, and with no doubt.]
Not everyone is gonna get along, and that's okay. Plenty of people died here that I felt kinda sad about, but not really badly. Everyone feels differently about each person.
Besides, I like ALL of you, not just the parts of you that agree with what I say.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 04:14 am (UTC)Half of my soul is a murderous demon that wants to fight or burn everyone here. Everyone's got problems, it's fine. I mean it when I say I want all of you.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 04:37 am (UTC)[and it's gross and he really sometimes wishes his own lies were the reality, but they're just not. and maybe he shouldn't be saying any of this but, well...]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 04:52 am (UTC)[He smiles.]
I already said it, didn't I? I like you for who you are. ALL of you. Even on the days when you're not forgiving. Even on the days when you feel gross and try to wash it away. I'm sad that you're hurting like that, and it makes me wanna do whatever I can to help make the pain less, but I'm not gonna tell you to hide that part of yourself because all of you is important.
But you know, you don't have to smile if you can't, Allen. I can smile enough for both of us, until you feel like you can smile again.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 05:00 am (UTC)so you bring a shaky human fist down against his shoulder because you're really trying to keep it together. it's not as hard or heavy a blow as it could be, actually pretty light, really.]
Don't. If you're not feeling like it, either. I don't want it.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 05:10 am (UTC)You feel that?
[His heart is beating at a steady, though somewhat rapid, beat.]
That's what you do to me. I'm smiling because I want to, so don't ever doubt that. Just being around you makes it really easy to smile.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 05:14 am (UTC)which is to say, congratulations, Allen Walker is officially a crying mess. bonus, though: probably huggable now.]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-16 05:19 am (UTC)Shhh, hey, it's okay.
[It's fine! This is totally fine! Rin will definitely hug Allen now, cradling the back of his head with his hand.]
I'm right here. It'll be okay.