[Hua Cheng is good at reading Rin, because Rin had just opened his mouth to say that. But instead he slowly closes it as he listens to Hua Cheng's explanation. It doesn't sit right with him- it's making him want to yell at the man more, actually- but he doesn't. His stomach is churning with too many mixed feelings to yell right now. He knows it will spill over if he lets it.
Instead, when he finally talks- after much mental deliberation and many glances away from Hua Cheng as he tries to figure out the words he wants to say and gain the courage to say them- it's with a quiet voice.]
...did Kaeya or Diluc ask you to do it?
[He's not blaming, there's nothing in his tone that hints at a judgemental nature to that question. He wants to understand.]
No. It was my own choice. Kaeya thanked me, after, by letter. So did Diluc. But no one asked me to.
[ no one has to ask him to do anything, for those that are his. hua cheng simply does, as 800 years worth of acts of devotion can attest to. but even as a participant, he will never be rid of his mantle of responsibility as a watcher - not for these people that he does, genuinely, care for as his own.
kaeya is his friend. someone he trusts, someone who went out of his way alongside rin and xie lian to ensure that he would survive when he was so willing to sacrifice himself for the chance of everyone having their free will. their choices. their freedom.
and kaeya met his death at the hands of someone he considered a friend and intimate confidant, who he should have been able to trust, but couldn't. ]
I know that you would not ask it of me, and would not thank me for it, if it were you in his place. But I would hope that you'd come to understand the why, and eventually forgive me for it.
[Rin: don't get upset, be calm, talk rationally- HC: /clown noises Rin:]
Of course I would forgive you, idiot! I love you!
[It's such a strong word to use, but Rin isn't one for mincing words anyway. There is no term to adequately describe his attachment to Hua Cheng- neither 'father' nor 'older brother' are quite right, 'mentor' seems a bit off too, and 'friend' isn't strong enough here- but the attachment is there regardless. Hua Cheng is, and always will be, someone important to Rin. Forgiveness, even for something like this, is a 'when' not an 'if'.
Maybe that's why Rin's feelings are a mess right now, honestly. Hua Cheng acted in a way Rin has been trying to discourage people from acting for weeks now, but he cares so much about him that he can't just be mad and be done with it. He's more sad than he is mad anyway. Death is a part of these games, and that death stands a good chance of being temporary anyway. But to have his trust broken in such a way, by someone he cares so deeply about, that hurts.
His hands ball up into fists at his sides, and he's sure that if he still had his fire the flames would be licking angrily around him right now. His anger doesn't last long, but it burns hot.]
And I get it, you know? 'He' has been saying the same things you are! I'm mad about Kaeya too! And I'm mad about everyone looking down on Diluc when he had no choice! But now you're the one in danger! You really think nobody's gonna try to get back at you?!
[He's afraid for Hua Cheng, just as much as he's mad for Hua Cheng. Sometimes love, even familial love like this, hurts.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-22 03:24 pm (UTC)Instead, when he finally talks- after much mental deliberation and many glances away from Hua Cheng as he tries to figure out the words he wants to say and gain the courage to say them- it's with a quiet voice.]
...did Kaeya or Diluc ask you to do it?
[He's not blaming, there's nothing in his tone that hints at a judgemental nature to that question. He wants to understand.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-22 03:34 pm (UTC)[ no one has to ask him to do anything, for those that are his. hua cheng simply does, as 800 years worth of acts of devotion can attest to. but even as a participant, he will never be rid of his mantle of responsibility as a watcher - not for these people that he does, genuinely, care for as his own.
kaeya is his friend. someone he trusts, someone who went out of his way alongside rin and xie lian to ensure that he would survive when he was so willing to sacrifice himself for the chance of everyone having their free will. their choices. their freedom.
and kaeya met his death at the hands of someone he considered a friend and intimate confidant, who he should have been able to trust, but couldn't. ]
I know that you would not ask it of me, and would not thank me for it, if it were you in his place. But I would hope that you'd come to understand the why, and eventually forgive me for it.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-22 04:06 pm (UTC)HC: /clown noises
Rin:]
Of course I would forgive you, idiot! I love you!
[It's such a strong word to use, but Rin isn't one for mincing words anyway. There is no term to adequately describe his attachment to Hua Cheng- neither 'father' nor 'older brother' are quite right, 'mentor' seems a bit off too, and 'friend' isn't strong enough here- but the attachment is there regardless. Hua Cheng is, and always will be, someone important to Rin. Forgiveness, even for something like this, is a 'when' not an 'if'.
Maybe that's why Rin's feelings are a mess right now, honestly. Hua Cheng acted in a way Rin has been trying to discourage people from acting for weeks now, but he cares so much about him that he can't just be mad and be done with it. He's more sad than he is mad anyway. Death is a part of these games, and that death stands a good chance of being temporary anyway. But to have his trust broken in such a way, by someone he cares so deeply about, that hurts.
His hands ball up into fists at his sides, and he's sure that if he still had his fire the flames would be licking angrily around him right now. His anger doesn't last long, but it burns hot.]
And I get it, you know? 'He' has been saying the same things you are! I'm mad about Kaeya too! And I'm mad about everyone looking down on Diluc when he had no choice! But now you're the one in danger! You really think nobody's gonna try to get back at you?!
[He's afraid for Hua Cheng, just as much as he's mad for Hua Cheng. Sometimes love, even familial love like this, hurts.]