Suite Dreams - Hua Cheng

[aono]

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Weekend 0, Friday

[aono]

[from here

The fact that it's not quite nagging is enough that the lesson sticks instead of Rin getting all angry about it. He does still look a bit huffy though.]

I know, especially since my fire is gone again. But I'm kinda wondering if it's even a good idea to give 'him' any weapons.

[Demon!Rin might not have snuck out in the last couple of months, but it's still a fear that sits at the back of his mind. Especially now that they're going into a situation that might call for murder again.]

Weekend 0, Sunday

[aono]

[Actually since Hua Cheng is like 2 doors down from Rin, there's a good chance of him being around when Rin finally discovers just how fukken rude his room is. It's going to be obvious that something is wrong too, because as soon as he opens that door he freezes and takes in a sharp breath.

Whatever it is, it seems to have shaken him to his very core.]

[supremity]

[ hua cheng has seen his room - and retrieved his daemon, furious as tanhua was to be in whatever liminal space and cut off from his other half, even angrier now that their bond is fully severed and he's the size of a golden retriever now instead of a wolf - so he's more interested in seeing if he can't snoop on anyone else.

they both spot rin, frozen, with the look on his face. the ex-watcher's brown furrows slightly, but it's the huli jing that is faster to approach with ears back. ]

Rin?

[aono]

I...

[As soon as they both approach, they'll be able to see what the problem is. It's immediately obvious from the moment anyone peeks in, provided they know anything about Rin.

Rin's room is designed like a dorm room, with a bed built into the wall and a desk facing a now-fake window and everything. It's all decorated in the way you would expect for a teenage boy's room: a stand-up closet which presumably holds his clothes, a calendar on the wall, some anime-themed blanket and pillow set, a bean bag chair on the floor (with Rinkou, now as small as a cat, curled up on it), a set of fake books that look like a row of shoujo manga on his shelves, you get the idea.

That's not what's wrong with this room though. What's wrong with it is that this room has two of all the basics: two wall-beds, two desks, two stand-up closets. But while the left side of the room is full of Rin's things, the right side is completely empty of anything that adds personality to the room. It's like a dorm room, but where the second student hasn't moved in yet.

And for some reason, just seeing this is absolutely crushing Rin's very soul.]

[supremity]

[ if you know rin well enough, you can take a stab at why this is hitting him the way it is.

hua cheng takes a glance, assessing, before he looks back at rin. he thinks of a tearful smile of someone breaking through to say i'm home, to mirror the wan smile of a brother saying welcome home before the trigger was pulled. of two brothers and the impact that they've always had on one another.

there's nothing to say, really. not when he has to face this for however long they're here. rin'll have to face the gentle cruelty as best he can.

as they stand there, tanhua nips at the hem of rin's clothes to get his attention - not touching, but still seeking to drag him back to the moment with them. ]

[aono]

[As time passes, Rin goes from shocked to upset to something close to being heartbroken, and his mouth curls downward in what would be the precursor to bawling if not for the fact that he's biting down on his lip to keep from making any sound. His eyes look damp, but they haven't spilled over with tears yet.

Then Tanhua is nipping at his sleeve, and suddenly Rin is here instead of lost in dark memories of a day he'll never be able to forget. He's quick to reach up and wipe any moisture away before it can trail down his face, and then he just breathes, letting the pressure out with a shuddering breath that doesn't let out even the quietest of a cry.

It's fine. He's fine. He can handle this.]

Sorry. I'm alright.

[Sorry for what? He doesn't know. Maybe for being weepy like this. Rin's empathy has always been both his greatest strength and his toughest weakness.]

[supremity]

Mm. [ simple acknowledgment of the apology, the reassurance, and then hua cheng is looking from him and into the room again. he doesn't move to enter. just surveys it with a quiet anger, cold and sharp, before it's tucked away again, something ruthless to save for another day. ] Rinkou, get up. We've been looking for all of you long enough, so I'd say you're done lazing around, now.

[ with a last glance to rin, the large fox moves away and towards its person's side again. neither of them offer any comfort to each other, or lean into one another, but the proximity settles something, regardless. ]

Let's go see if anything else has opened up besides these rooms, and find where everyone has been put.

[ he doubts it. but rin needs to walk away for a little bit before he faces this again. ]

[aono]

...yeah, okay.

[Rin is too shell-shocked by a sudden reminder that Yukio isn't here that he just goes along with what Hua Cheng is saying. Hua Cheng is a trusted friend, after all, and Rin feels safe around him. Nothing bad will happen as long as he follows him, right?

Rin stays there long enough to crouch down and scoop up Rinkou, who has waddled over to the door after Hua Cheng's scolding. Once she is safely in his arms, he'll look over to the other and nod.

He just needs a little bit of time to process everything. Then he'll be fine using that room.]

[supremity]

[ for the most part, hua cheng isn't a gentle person to those around him. aloofness is a kindness, sometimes, when it comes to interacting with him, but.

you get a little attached, every now and then. there's no one he treats quite like xie lian, but he still reaches and puts his hand at the back of rin's head, letting him hold his daemon in his arms and get that familiarity even if their bonds aren't intact. a pat, and then a slight push with a ruffle, and he draws away, stepping around him.

with rinkou secure in his arms, tanhua yips up at her. just something small. it's better that yukio isn't suffering this again, isn't it? that he and miki aren't here right now. ]

You and I aren't too far away from each other, at least.

[aono]

[Rin knows that Hua Cheng isn't one for gestures that are normally associated with affection or comfort. It's something he's come to understand over the last few months, that Hua Cheng shows he cares in other ways. So he understands the significance behind the man's actions now, and he does feel comfort in it. It might not be a hug and words of reassurance like what his dad used to give him, but it's Hua Cheng's way of saying 'it'll be okay'. And that's enough for Rin.

He closes his eyes for a moment and focuses on the touch at the back of his head, letting it stabilize him. And as soon as Hua Cheng moves and starts to walk, Rin does too, carrying Rinkou as they walk down the hall.]

Yeah, just a couple doors down.

[In the future, Rin might make a joke about how Hua Cheng will be able to hear the loud parties Rin throws. But in this moment, he's not ready for the jokes yet. He still needs to breathe and be alright.

Rinkou whines a little at Tanhua. She agrees, it's better that Yukio and Miki aren't here. They didn't handle the stress of the last game very well. But that bedroom is still really rude and probably targeted to upset Rin, and she doesn't like it very much.]

...we always shared a bedroom. From as far back as I can remember, and even when we had dorm rooms in high school. That whole angel-thing was the first time we didn't share a room ever.

Week 0, Saturday

[aono]

[Hey Hua Cheng, did you want bao? Because that's exactly what Rin is making in the kitchen right now. He's got a little more time until he's shooed out but he's making the most of it.]

I hope you're hungry, I'm making a ton of these little guys.

[supremity]

[ he'll stay out of the way so that nothing is tempted to push rin out quicker, tanhua wandering off in the restaurant itself in the meantime. ]

You know I'll eat them. [ won't even lie. rin's fed him bao often enough that he knows he likes them. ]

[aono]

[Rin puts a lot of heart into his food too. Once he's found something people like, he takes his time to learn how to make it perfectly. So the bao he's making, they're all the right shape and size and aren't lumpy or anything. Food is how he shows he cares, and he cares a lot about Hua Cheng.]

Good. I know there was food to eat at the trial, but I don't think most people ate there. And you gotta eat lots now! It's different when you're a ghost king, but you're all normal now.

[supremity]

I did not eat at the trial, no. Probably for the best, since someone was looking into my mouth during the downward spiral everyone was caught up in.

[ his arms cross over his chest, and he leans a shoulder in the doorway to watch him work, familiar with it. it brings to mind rin bopping around in the paradise manor kitchen after training, in kitchens they encountered during their worldhopping travels when someone needed a pick-me-up, of how it reminds him of his older xie lian offering to share whatever he had to make sure others did not go hungry even if he did.

this is a love language close to his heart. ]

Thursday was the first night I actually got any proper sleep. Something to get used to - even as a Watcher I didn't need to eat or sleep, really.

[aono]

[It's a love language that has only grown the more he's known Xie Lian. Some of Xie Lian's good habits have rubbed off on Rin, even in the short few months since the war between angels ended.

Feeding other people is easy for Rin. It's easy to shut off his feelings and focus on his cooking, and in turn feel warmed by the fact that he's doing something that helps others. One of his biggest insecurities is that he isn't particularly gifted in most useful ways, but cooking is his way of building himself up when he constantly knocks himself down for not being smart enough. If he can be helpful in his own way then that's fine, right? He doesn't need to solve trials or be a brilliant detective to help other people.]

I'm surprised you haven't gotten so cranky, if you're not sleeping enough. I know a recipe for sleepy-tea, want me to make it for you before you go to bed?

[supremity]

[ it makes him a little fond, hearing that question. not something that he'd openly admit to, but he is a bit more protective of rin in a way that he isn't with most others.

sometimes, you see far too much of yourself in someone. in their history. in the loathing they experienced simply for being. but rin takes more after xie lian in the face of tragedy, in his heart, that hua cheng doesn't feel the revulsion he normally would.

and then, he is simply rin. what he does is enough. ]

If you'd like. I didn't sleep much when I was alive, either, but better to be on my toes than risk slipping up while I'm veritably mortal.

[aono]

[It's so natural for Rin. He would offer it to anyone really, but Hua Cheng is special. Rin doesn't know the entirety of Hua Cheng's past, but he knows enough to know that the two of them are similar. And he knows enough to know that the subtle gestures of caring that Hua Cheng shows are very special and it makes Rin feel special in turn. Like it's a side of Hua Cheng that only very few people get to see.

It motivates Rin. It makes him want to show his worth and make Hua Cheng proud of him.]

Something like that, yeah. Dad never slept much either, but he still got at least six hours a day. Any less than that and I think it starts affecting your body after a while.

[The buns are steaming now btw, which is filling the kitchen with delicious smells.]

wk 1; sunday

[supremity]

[ hua cheng is just vibing in the lobby, apparently opting to work in his stationary pad while he's hanging out. tanhua is the one to greet rin first, coming over to sniff at rin and rinkou briefly - if rin reaches for a pet, tilts his head up into the touch immediately, right eye remaining closed as he does. ]

How're you feeling? [ he doesn't look up, but instead gestures with his pen for them to join him, then returns to his sketching, his cheapy water color set nearby but not open right now. ]

[aono]

[Rin doesn't pet Tanhua, but he does hold his hand out for Tanhua to sniff. Rinkou is being carried in his other arm though, so sniffs at her will have to wait until he's taken a seat next to Hua Cheng. When he sits down, she'll wiggle out of his lap to go headbutt Tanhua.]

Awful.

[At least he's honest? Rin hasn't reached the point of trying to hide his emotions away, so he'll probably be okay. Maybe. But he's drawn his knees up to his chest too, so maybe he's struggling?]

Even if there's no sound, those things are the worst.

Week 3, Tuesday

[aono]

[The interesting thing about Rin and Hua Cheng's friendship is that Rin knows he can't just go whining to Hua Cheng when he's feeling down in the dumps. He expects he would be told to go train or do something to take his mind off of what's bothering him. Xie Lian is the outwardly comforting person most of the time, and Rin figures that Hua Cheng's soft side (at least whenever Xie Lian isn't involved) is reserved for moments of extreme distress.

So he just takes the advice he thinks he would have gotten and goes off to the dojo to practice for the day. But that also means he won't be seen for a good chunk of the day unless someone goes looking for him, so it's possible he missed messages or meetings of some sort in his efforts to chase away the sads.

...he's also doing poorly at it too, his form is awful. But shh.]

[supremity]

Your form's sloppy.

[ hua cheng doesn't announce himself with jingling steps or anything else, watching rin move through his forms. instead, he just - watches, for a bit, arms crossed and shoulder leaning against the doorframe before he says anything. ]

You're all over the place, which you should know better by now.

[ what happened? he doesn't ask right away. better to see if rin cops to it first, or if he'll have to fix his form and grab a sword from the armory to draw it out of him. ]

[aono]

[Fortunately Rin isn't in the middle of anything too dangerous when Hua Cheng speaks up, so when he jumps a little he doesn't injure himself with his sword. Instead he pauses to look over to Hua Cheng just as the other man is saying that second line, only to look away with a frown a moment later. Even if he's right, Rin still is in a mood today.]

I'm working on it.

[And he'll turn his attention back to his sword, adjusting his grip. Yup, it's gonna take a fight this time. Spar with him Fafa.]

[supremity]

[ dianxia, was he this moody as a teenager? (he died a teenager, but that's besides the point.) with a roll of his head and his remaining eye, he swings out of the doorway and walks around the outside of the dojo, heading into the armory. tanhua trots in after him, but makes a straight line towards wherever rinkou has settled in, going to lick her head and fuss over her, apparently sensing a Mood in here.

when hua cheng returns, he has a long, curved saber in hand, giving it an experimental spin with a flick of his wrist to test the weight. it's not perfect - eming made perfect for him, balanced and lethal and reflecting all of its master - but it will do.

he comes to stand across from rin, leaving space between them that he can close by extending his own sword. he smacks the flat of it into the outside of one of rin's arms. ] Elbows in, shoulders relaxed. Then...

Come at me, with everything you have. [ whatever is pent up inside you, release it. ]

[aono]

Ow!

[He didn't dodge the strike because he honestly wasn't expecting Hua Cheng to do it, even though he just saw Hua Cheng grab the sword and all. He winces and rubs at his arm, but then he sees that Hua Cheng is serious so he takes up a stance again.

Elbows in, shoulders relaxed.

He breathes out.

And then he's darting at Hua Cheng, running as fast as his depowered human legs can carry him, only to jump up at the last second to bring a firm strike down right at Hua Cheng. The effect isn't the same as usual, normally Rin can leap up high into the sky and get lost in the sunlight, making this strike more effective. But this is what he can manage with his more human limitations.]

[supremity]

[ they're both brought down to human, now, but hua cheng still has 800 years of experience behind him. self-taught, certainly, but he fought in a war and survived ten years on mt. tonglu, to start.

but rin is still good with a blade. he just needs refining. xie lian saw the potential in one outcasted boy, before seeing it in another - and he sees it, too.

so he draws it out. it's a dance, a little less refined than the ones he has with yoo joonghyuk, but still a dance. rin jumps, and hua cheng responds, bringing the saber up to block. a twist of the weapon, and he reroutes it away, reaching his free hand out to pinch rin in the side. ]

[aono]

[Rin's always had a talent for fighting, even if his heart longed for a gentler life. Long before he was granted his sword, Rin was winning fistfights in alleys to protect stay animals from bullies. He's a fighter, but he's a protector too. He's always wanted to lift his sword in service of others.

Today, however, Rin is too lost in his own thoughts and pain to really think about how to fight with his heart. He doesn't even block the pinch or turn away immediately to dodge it, he just goes 'ow!' as he pulls himself back after being pinched. Gritting his teeth, Rin grips his sword and goes for a horizontal strike instead, sweeping wide at Hua Cheng's midsection.

There is a slight pull back, the cut isn't close enough to seriously injure Hua Cheng if Hua Cheng doesn't block or move. Even in a fight like this, Rin still doesn't have a killing instinct. Not this Rin at least.]

[supremity]

Get out of your head.

[ hua cheng makes no move to attack him outright. deflects, reaches to poke or prod or pinch, but nothing that would bruise him. not when suspicion has been cast on him so much these past few trials. instead, he focuses on drawing him out. he moves out of the way of the forward strike, brings his own blade down to leverage rin's towards the floor.

but it's still memshare week. and the stardust is not kind in its selection.

Bad idea! He has power over you now, you really think he won't use it to hurt you? ]

[aono]

[Their blades clash with sparks as the stardust hits Hua Cheng, and that memory only makes Rin scowl further. He's always known he and Hua Cheng had similar pasts, but when his emotions are as tumultuous as they are right now the reminders just make him feel worse. And he doesn't know what else to do about the rising anger in his body than take it out in a fight.

He ducks low, going along with the force of Hua Cheng's strike for a moment, but then he pushes his blade to the right to direct Hua Cheng's strike that way while he tumbles to the left. Rin's fighting style is adapted from things he's picked up here and there, mixed with his propensity to use all four of his limbs to move around at times. He holds his sword in one hand as he lands out of the tumble on two feet and the other hand, pausing only momentarily to see where Hua Cheng ended up before running at the man again.

'It's not fair', he thinks to himself, and he feels his face go hot with anger and remorse as he strikes at Hua Cheng again. He is definitely lost in his feelings right now, but not so lost that demon!Rin has a chance to come out (yet). The fact that his strikes still fall short of potentially killing blows is enough to show that.]

[supremity]

[ hua cheng is furious, to have this revealed. he hates his childhood. he hates every time someone has seen a memory of it, thus far. because it's unkind, and it shaped him into who he is, and shows vulnerability that he doesn't want known.

even to someone who has been there.

his silver charms and bells and chains jingle like music, as he twists and turns out of the way. with his hair tied back, it doesn't get in his way - but he's fought with long hair for his entire life, so he moves naturally with it, giving his sword a brief spin to adjust his grip. ]

Are you going to let your anger own you, Rin? [ the question is baiting, a little, as he advances on him this time. his saber swings up in an arch, something that could be fatal if he put power behind it. but he pulls it to match rin, to give him an outlet to take his emotions out on. ] Are you going to stay trapped inside that head of yours, letting it burn away at your control?

Why're you angry?

[ he's going to keep advancing on him like this, one-handed and quick-stepped. ]

[aono]

[If Rin weren't so worked up, he might try to distract Hua Cheng from his memories with something else entirely. Rin knows he's a very private person, so he tries not to intrude on anything too personal unless Hua Cheng shares it willingly. After today he probably won't bring up this memory either, though he will definitely remember it. Just like he remembers Xie Lian's memory from the last time memories were shared.

'Why're you angry?'

Rin doesn't answer, he doesn't know how to even begin to explain. He's beyond words at this point, and only frustrated noises escape him as he tries to match Hua Cheng's blows. If he were calmer, he would be able to keep up easily. But as he is now, he's easily bested even when Hua Cheng is going easy on him like this.

He keeps pushing back though. Strike after strike, each less coordinated than the last, like he's trying to carve some meaning out of his anger and grief.

At some point starglitter showers over him, showing off memories of what could have been, but which never became reality. A future stolen away by a cruel world that couldn't accept a mother's love for her half-demon children.

The starglitter barely slows Rin down, but when he strikes at Hua Cheng next, there are tears at the corners of his eyes.]

[supremity]

[ there isn't anything he can say to this memory. not right away. he's spent each one so far just assessing, then speaking, and either moving on or learning more about the person who had the memory. but he can't do anything here except live through the loss of a mother a second time.

that's personal, too.

and rin got to see the happy what if, even if everything about his mother was a memory given to him.

he keeps going, keeps pressing on rin, doesn't seem to show any signs of mercy.

but between one attack and the next, hua cheng snatches his arm out, hooking it around the back of rin's head, and crushes him into his chest. ]

[aono]

[Well. That's a quick way to stop an angry half-demon teenager on a borderline-rampage.

Rin is so shocked by the sudden change that he drops his sword entirely. He tenses, expecting some kind of follow-up which involves pinning him to the ground or throwing him across the room, either scenario likely being followed up by a lecture on losing his temper and losing the fight because of it. But that doesn't come right away, and all the emotions and feelings of the last day finally catches up to him and he just...crumples. He presses his face against Hua Cheng's chest and just screams, his voice equal parts frustration, loneliness, and mourning.

As tough as Rin tries to be, sometimes he needs to be reminded of the fact that he's still a child, and life is hard. His life especially so. And sometimes you need a cathartic cry.]

[supremity]

[ there are a lot of things that rin has in common with xie lian.

but there are even more that he has in common with hua cheng. sometimes, you're the monster that parents warn their children about. sometimes, you find yourself standing in a war that is not your own but is yours all at the same time. sometimes, you try and try and try and try, but it isn't enough.

sometimes, you just want a happy ending.

sometimes, you just want your mother back.

hua cheng lets rin scream and cry. his hand cups the back of his head, holding him there, letting him release the emotions that are pent up in him.

xie lian held him once when he wailed and wailed like a wounded thing. he can pay that kindness forward. ]

[aono]

[Interestingly, that's the memory Rin saw in the past, when he had a moment like this with Xie Lian.

But Rin cries and he cries, letting out all of the anguish that's been stewing in his gut. The pain over being reminded of his mistakes last week, combined with the terrible knowledge he gained this week, all combining into one heavy weight that Rin has tried to shoulder. A weight that is coming out slowly now, as he curls his hands into fists against Hua Cheng's chest. He pulls a fist back and hits Hua Cheng's chest once, but no further blows follow. Even in a moment like this, he can't truly hurt someone he cares for and respects so much.

It does help though, and before too long Rin's screams die down to quiet sobs. Rin's rage is like a fire: it burns hot, but it doesn't burn for long. And soon enough he's emotionally spent and is left sniffling and shaking just a little bit.]

Week 6, Thursday

[aono]

[Sometimes you find out your Fafa murdered right before curfew and you run to go find him and-]

Oi! Hua Cheng! It's not true, is it?

[He is wasting no time with his questions here. They don't have much time to spare, and he needs to know. Is it true? And if so, he wants to find out the circumstances.

He does respect Hua Cheng though, so he's stopping short of him and giving him space for this conversation. For now. Things may change based on Hua Cheng's answers.]

[supremity]

[ well. the good thing about this is the fact that it's right before curfew, when rin has other plans and will uphold them. especially if hua cheng insists he does. ]

Not exactly how I wanted it to come to light, but, yes. It is true. [ while it would be flippant and dismissive, normally, he does shift his tone when it comes to rin. to the point, yes, but not in such a way that he doesn't care about this person asking, where he'll not hear them out. ] And I was not possessed.

Before you say that I promised - I didn't. But I had intended to behave myself unless provoked, and I found that I was provoked when Kaeya's killer wasn't caught. So I took it into my own hands, as I would have done if any of you had been made a target, if I failed to protect you.

[aono]

[Hua Cheng is good at reading Rin, because Rin had just opened his mouth to say that. But instead he slowly closes it as he listens to Hua Cheng's explanation. It doesn't sit right with him- it's making him want to yell at the man more, actually- but he doesn't. His stomach is churning with too many mixed feelings to yell right now. He knows it will spill over if he lets it.

Instead, when he finally talks- after much mental deliberation and many glances away from Hua Cheng as he tries to figure out the words he wants to say and gain the courage to say them- it's with a quiet voice.]

...did Kaeya or Diluc ask you to do it?

[He's not blaming, there's nothing in his tone that hints at a judgemental nature to that question. He wants to understand.]

[supremity]

No. It was my own choice. Kaeya thanked me, after, by letter. So did Diluc. But no one asked me to.

[ no one has to ask him to do anything, for those that are his. hua cheng simply does, as 800 years worth of acts of devotion can attest to. but even as a participant, he will never be rid of his mantle of responsibility as a watcher - not for these people that he does, genuinely, care for as his own.

kaeya is his friend. someone he trusts, someone who went out of his way alongside rin and xie lian to ensure that he would survive when he was so willing to sacrifice himself for the chance of everyone having their free will. their choices. their freedom.

and kaeya met his death at the hands of someone he considered a friend and intimate confidant, who he should have been able to trust, but couldn't. ]

I know that you would not ask it of me, and would not thank me for it, if it were you in his place. But I would hope that you'd come to understand the why, and eventually forgive me for it.

[aono]

[Rin: don't get upset, be calm, talk rationally-
HC: /clown noises
Rin:]

Of course I would forgive you, idiot! I love you!

[It's such a strong word to use, but Rin isn't one for mincing words anyway. There is no term to adequately describe his attachment to Hua Cheng- neither 'father' nor 'older brother' are quite right, 'mentor' seems a bit off too, and 'friend' isn't strong enough here- but the attachment is there regardless. Hua Cheng is, and always will be, someone important to Rin. Forgiveness, even for something like this, is a 'when' not an 'if'.

Maybe that's why Rin's feelings are a mess right now, honestly. Hua Cheng acted in a way Rin has been trying to discourage people from acting for weeks now, but he cares so much about him that he can't just be mad and be done with it. He's more sad than he is mad anyway. Death is a part of these games, and that death stands a good chance of being temporary anyway. But to have his trust broken in such a way, by someone he cares so deeply about, that hurts.

His hands ball up into fists at his sides, and he's sure that if he still had his fire the flames would be licking angrily around him right now. His anger doesn't last long, but it burns hot.]

And I get it, you know? 'He' has been saying the same things you are! I'm mad about Kaeya too! And I'm mad about everyone looking down on Diluc when he had no choice! But now you're the one in danger! You really think nobody's gonna try to get back at you?!

[He's afraid for Hua Cheng, just as much as he's mad for Hua Cheng. Sometimes love, even familial love like this, hurts.]