[Rin's assumption is right, but also wrong at the same time. He had been thinking the shadow influenced Mikazuki's decision in order to keep Mikazuki alive. Hearing that it's not that stings, and he can feel the way it makes the demon lash out inside his heart. He's quiet for a moment, to calm his heart and keep himself in control, before he speaks again:]
Why? I know you've known about some of the killers but didn't say anything before. So why now?
[he lets rin have all the time he needs, and when he asks again, mikazuki continues to speak calmly.]
For what is done when motivated by shadow is not an individual's responsibility. And what is done when motivated by saving one's hostage is understandable, given our circumstances. I, the same as you, do not hold any particular contempt for our killers.
However, regardless of if one is touched by shadow, the manner in which they complete the task of saving their hostage is still able to be held to scrutiny.
I disrespected Yoo Joonghyuk and am understanding of disappointment in my actions. I scolded Sylvain Jose Gautier for disrespecting the graves, and he gave apology.
[hua cheng never apologized to anyone. not even shinobu, who deserved to hear it the most. not during the week and -
even until the end.]
I do possess other reasons... but they are from an old man's purview.
[and so he doesn't know how satisfying it would be to rin, to hear the perspective of an immortal, guided by immortal logic.]
So because he didn't do things in a way you approve of, you threw him out there for everyone to rip apart?
[It's mean, and Rin knows it's mean. His temper is slipping away from him, the words are tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop himself.
Rin laughs bitterly before rubbing at his face. He wants to call everyone idiots for not seeing it, but that's not fair and he knows it. Not everyone sees what he can see, he can't expect them to know. Sometimes he has to tell them instead.]
You played right into his hands. He always makes himself the 'bad guy' to protect others. His goal has, and always has been, to keep the rest of us from his game alive. He probably thought that by being callous about it he'd get everyone to vote for him instead of one of us.
[And it worked. Yoo Joonghyuk is probably alive right now because of this.]
I don't think he would've outright apologized in the end, but he would've made it right in his own way. He's always had his own way of doing things.
[rin can lash out at grandpa, he doesn't really mind. he still remains serene, even if his gaze does grow slightly concerned for rin. a lot of this is making assumptions, and throwing words into his own mouth, but.
well, that's the privilege of a child in pain.]
.... you care for him, and you are aching. You may speak in his defense, because that is what you do for the people you love.
[and that's fine.
however hua cheng also framed someone innocent by choice, and not everyone has to accept that.
but if rin doesn't want to hear what mikazuki thinks, he also won't say any more?]
[Rin IS hurting, but even when he's hurting he still wants to know.]
You're talking like I'm wrong here. So if I'm wrong, then explain it so I can get it. Why didn't you name every killer you know? What makes Hua Cheng different from the others?
[he will explain then - as clearly as he possibly can. it is not common for mikazuki, to be so explicit, but it sounds like this is what rin needs to understand the situation.]
Hua Cheng framed Shinobu Kocho and did so willingly. I do not hold Diluc Ragnvindr's matter of framing Bucky against him, for he was possessed by shadow - but we have seen the way in which framing will lead to someone's death if we do not possess any other leads. Hua Cheng is, presumably, not a fool and knew this too.
He took on her form, when he did not have to. He implicated her, and even if some matters are coincidence, choosing to take on her appearance was not one. It has been revealed today that he knew who killed Aikawa, and therefore he was also perfectly aware that Shinobu Kocho has not killed and thus framing her would also kill her and her hostage.
If it was a human who framed another, that is a mistake you are allowed to make for you are all so terribly young. I would scold you, but understand in the limited scope of one's life, those are the choices you make. However Hua Cheng is aged, just as I. You are right - I did not agree with the choice he made to harm two innocent people [shinobu and her hostage], and placed the note with the intention of him understanding that with his actions come consequences. I expected more from him, and hoped that he would understand the injustice he had levied against her - but from what I understand, he only became angry.
We are not above criticism. Even if you state that he has his way of doing things, it is such stubbornness from those immortal that can harm good people.
You can be angry at me for providing the truth of what he had done - that is understandable - but you cannot turn away from the fault in the way he provided a false name to us during trial.
You can love him and understand that perhaps he was doing this to protect each of you, Rin Okumura, but you cannot deny that he placed another person who others love in danger. None of us have to accept that. If others chose to vote for him, that is their choice and understanding as well.
[Rin listens to all of this. In the end what he wants is answers, not to put blame on people. Or, well, his human heart wants to understand and keep moving forward. His demon heart absolutely wants to blame everyone and lash out about all of this. But Rin is getting better at hearing what his demon heart is saying and going 'well that's obviously the wrong answer, so let's do something else.'
So he listens. And Mikazuki isn't wrong either. Hua Cheng was wrong to frame Shinobu. He put so much on her shoulders when she didn't deserve any of it, and Rin himself still feels like an ass over it because he hasn't apologized properly to Shinobu either. And everyone does have accountability for their actions. As much as it hurts, this is something he's going to have to accept.]
...right. I get it. He is stubborn like that. He must've reacted poorly when you talked to him about it, if you ended up writing the note to get the point across. What did he say when you two talked about it anyway?
[He's already yelled at Hua Cheng multiple times over his behaviors, but if there's something he missed then he wants to know. Hua Cheng actually listens to him, sometimes, and getting the point across to that stubborn man feels like the most important part here.]
... I did not. And that, I understand, is something that would also be worthy of anger. Perhaps I shall apologize when the time is right. [not for the doxx but at least that he didn't go to hua cheng directly. that said,]
My reasoning behind that choice is two-fold. He was very adamant during our last meeting that confessions are precarious. For myself, an unrelated party who had no major connection to him and who is close to the person he framed, I imagine that he would not be willing to open himself up to me.
Second, if he was not willing to confess to the group at large and if he was truly motivated by the belief that personal confession would lead to disaster, I thought it worthy of aiding him. As my crane would say, without surprises, one's heart will die long before their body.
[so jiji chose the note. he hums faintly.]
I understand he is cross with the individual who wrote it. I shall meet his blade readily if he is angry, but I do not regret my action. It would be hypocrisy, to avoid consequence for what I have done.
[and everyone's hypocritical, especially in these games, but mikazuki does try to carry himself just a little bit better when he can]
He could have done better without my prompting, Rin Okumura. He is not a child. I found out on Tuesday, and waited to see if he would confess to the group or Shinobu Kocho within the week. He did not.
[so the note came as jiji's 'do better']
And in the end, trial was coming. [he'll admit that plainly. he does imagine it hurts, but rin has been asking for answers all this time, and mikazuki will not ask him anymore if he is still sure he wants to hear them] The other known names were Sheila, Molly, and Diluc Ragnvindr - each of which were shadowed.
Ultimately, I do believe that we as a group would endeavor to find someone who killed the individuals found on Friday. Now that I am not shadowed myself, I can say that I do not mind if that had been me.
But in the end, we did not. [at least. not before 8:59] So how do you suppose we should have voted?
[it is a sincere question, and he wonders what conclusion rin will come to. whether it's fair or not, someone must always die on saturday. will they choose a person who did not willingly kill? or someone who did?]
The same answer I've always been giving: if we're not sure, take our best guess from what we have available. It's what I've always done.
[Rin has, if nothing else, been consistent in what he says to do.
But his anger is building up now. As much as he keeps telling himself 'don't listen to the demon, he's not right here', he finds himself feeling those same pains in his heart. He feels the words building up inside of him, and even though he knows he shouldn't say it, he just comes out and says it.]
I'm mad at you, you know. You talk all these pretty words and long explanations, but it doesn't really feel like you mean half of it. Like, yeah, I get it, you were mad that Shinobu was put in danger. She's important to you, of course you were mad about that. But that doesn't excuse what you did.
You should've known you were signing him away to death the moment you wrote that note. Everyone in this game is fighting to protect their own, so of course they're gonna look for an easy answer that doesn't get their friends voted out! Regardless of your intentions, you had to know he was going to die because of that note. That's why you wrote it on Thursday, instead of waiting until after the trial and saying it in person at the next meeting. That's why you named him specifically, instead of saying "someone else used a power to pretend to be Shinobu and kill Sylvain". Even if you didn't want to punish him specifically, you had to know you were putting him in a position where it was very likely he'd die. That was the goal, wasn't it? Not just to take everyone's suspicions off of Shinobu, but to put their suspicions onto someone else entirely at the same time. And if that wasn't your intention- if you really are so goddamn stupid that you didn't see that coming from a mile away- then I dunno what to think anymore. I'm a huge idiot and even I could see what was gonna happen!
So I'm mad at you! You're either a hypocrite or a moron, and I don't know what would be worse!
[He'll be less-mad eventually. Rin's anger burns hot, but it always burns out quickly. And in the end, he does understand why Mikazuki did it. Protecting someone you love is a powerful motivator. It's a lesson he's learned painfully many times over now. But his anger is bubbling up right now and making it hard for him to acknowledge that point properly.]
facing anger is not new to mikazuki, and it never will be. rin may say whatever he wishes, and mikazuki won't hold it against him. even now, there's no malice in his words. he's not angry at anyone, not even hua cheng. it is an emotion too far away for him to know.]
Then if I may.... in my view, a best guess may divide the vote, condemning more than one life to death. [as a shadow, mikazuki couldn't do much. if he wasn't shadowed, he would've been upfront about voting for hua cheng. but he was and so in the end, he just didn't want to risk a tie in their mad scramble] You are right that I decided that the individual who chose to take a life of his own volition was the one I would have rather everyone voted for, rather than someone who killed against their will. That a choice I made. [and he wasn't alone.]
You are welcome to be mad, and I am well aware that none of it excuses what I did. I do not seek excuse or forgiveness. Words mean little, in the end, and only our actions remain. I offer words only because you have asked for answers. [he actually normally doesn't talk this much? he prefers cryptic guiding questions.] In the end, what others make of those actions is out of my hands.
The same can be said of Hua Cheng. In the end, what I did was not a matter of suspicion but truth, and that is all I asked people not look away from.
[if hua cheng didn't frame someone innocent while not shadowed, then mikazuki wouldn't have cared enough to doxx him. that's really all it is.]
I am sorry that the loss was yours and that of your companions, Rin Okumura. I do not wish for anyone to die, but I know how I have contributed to what happened to Hua Cheng. You do not need my permission, but I accept your anger.
[It's hard for Rin to accept Mikazuki's views there. Rin has always been told that even if you do something wrong, you always go back and make it right. Even if someone doesn't accept that apology, even if the friendship is broken afterwards, you always go back and try to make things right for the person you hurt. It's something Rin has always believed in, because he has to. Even if his intentions are good, his actions still hurt people sometimes. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if his 'Truth' was that only actions mattered. He has a good heart, temper problems and idiocy aside, and his heart aches every time he harms someone else. It would be unbearable if he couldn't make things right in the end.
Which is why he says what he says next:]
Don't just apologize to me. You gotta make things right with him.
[Everyone deserves the chance to make their wrongs right. Actions alone don't mean shit if you don't have the intentions to back them up. Even if Rin is furious with Mikazuki, that is his 'Truth'. And 'everyone' includes people Rin is mad at too.
...he doesn't actually hate Mikazuki either. He's still very attached to jiji. He's just trying to process his anger and pain while still feeling strongly about people he sees as friends.]
I will speak with him when all matters are done, and I shall expect him to do the same - at the very least, with Shinobu Kocho.
['make things right' is dependent on both parties being able to discuss the situation, and he wonders if that will be possible. but at least to ease rin's mind, mikazuki will agree to open the door. just because he holds no malice about the situation, that doesn't necessarily mean the same of hua cheng. and that is also fair.
but in the end, mikazuki knew the choice he made would be controversial. it would not be the first time, and it will not be the last.]
Yeah, well. I hope she had enough sense to go talk to him after trial, because it's not like he could've gone running after her to go apologize when he was locked up.
[But it sounds like Mikazuki will try, and that's enough for Rin.]
Just...make sure you actually mean it, when you talk to him. He sees through shit better than I do. If you're not being genuine, he'll know right away. And he's not as nice as me about saying when someone's being a hypocrite.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 02:14 pm (UTC)Why? I know you've known about some of the killers but didn't say anything before. So why now?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 02:23 pm (UTC)For what is done when motivated by shadow is not an individual's responsibility. And what is done when motivated by saving one's hostage is understandable, given our circumstances. I, the same as you, do not hold any particular contempt for our killers.
However, regardless of if one is touched by shadow, the manner in which they complete the task of saving their hostage is still able to be held to scrutiny.
I disrespected Yoo Joonghyuk and am understanding of disappointment in my actions. I scolded Sylvain Jose Gautier for disrespecting the graves, and he gave apology.
[hua cheng never apologized to anyone. not even shinobu, who deserved to hear it the most. not during the week and -
even until the end.]
I do possess other reasons... but they are from an old man's purview.
[and so he doesn't know how satisfying it would be to rin, to hear the perspective of an immortal, guided by immortal logic.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 02:42 pm (UTC)[It's mean, and Rin knows it's mean. His temper is slipping away from him, the words are tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop himself.
Rin laughs bitterly before rubbing at his face. He wants to call everyone idiots for not seeing it, but that's not fair and he knows it. Not everyone sees what he can see, he can't expect them to know. Sometimes he has to tell them instead.]
You played right into his hands. He always makes himself the 'bad guy' to protect others. His goal has, and always has been, to keep the rest of us from his game alive. He probably thought that by being callous about it he'd get everyone to vote for him instead of one of us.
[And it worked. Yoo Joonghyuk is probably alive right now because of this.]
I don't think he would've outright apologized in the end, but he would've made it right in his own way. He's always had his own way of doing things.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 02:49 pm (UTC)well, that's the privilege of a child in pain.]
.... you care for him, and you are aching. You may speak in his defense, because that is what you do for the people you love.
[and that's fine.
however hua cheng also framed someone innocent by choice, and not everyone has to accept that.
but if rin doesn't want to hear what mikazuki thinks, he also won't say any more?]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 02:54 pm (UTC)You're talking like I'm wrong here. So if I'm wrong, then explain it so I can get it. Why didn't you name every killer you know? What makes Hua Cheng different from the others?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:09 pm (UTC)[he will explain then - as clearly as he possibly can. it is not common for mikazuki, to be so explicit, but it sounds like this is what rin needs to understand the situation.]
Hua Cheng framed Shinobu Kocho and did so willingly. I do not hold Diluc Ragnvindr's matter of framing Bucky against him, for he was possessed by shadow - but we have seen the way in which framing will lead to someone's death if we do not possess any other leads. Hua Cheng is, presumably, not a fool and knew this too.
He took on her form, when he did not have to. He implicated her, and even if some matters are coincidence, choosing to take on her appearance was not one. It has been revealed today that he knew who killed Aikawa, and therefore he was also perfectly aware that Shinobu Kocho has not killed and thus framing her would also kill her and her hostage.
If it was a human who framed another, that is a mistake you are allowed to make for you are all so terribly young. I would scold you, but understand in the limited scope of one's life, those are the choices you make. However Hua Cheng is aged, just as I. You are right - I did not agree with the choice he made to harm two innocent people [shinobu and her hostage], and placed the note with the intention of him understanding that with his actions come consequences. I expected more from him, and hoped that he would understand the injustice he had levied against her - but from what I understand, he only became angry.
We are not above criticism. Even if you state that he has his way of doing things, it is such stubbornness from those immortal that can harm good people.
You can be angry at me for providing the truth of what he had done - that is understandable - but you cannot turn away from the fault in the way he provided a false name to us during trial.
You can love him and understand that perhaps he was doing this to protect each of you, Rin Okumura, but you cannot deny that he placed another person who others love in danger. None of us have to accept that. If others chose to vote for him, that is their choice and understanding as well.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:25 pm (UTC)So he listens. And Mikazuki isn't wrong either. Hua Cheng was wrong to frame Shinobu. He put so much on her shoulders when she didn't deserve any of it, and Rin himself still feels like an ass over it because he hasn't apologized properly to Shinobu either. And everyone does have accountability for their actions. As much as it hurts, this is something he's going to have to accept.]
...right. I get it. He is stubborn like that. He must've reacted poorly when you talked to him about it, if you ended up writing the note to get the point across. What did he say when you two talked about it anyway?
[He's already yelled at Hua Cheng multiple times over his behaviors, but if there's something he missed then he wants to know. Hua Cheng actually listens to him, sometimes, and getting the point across to that stubborn man feels like the most important part here.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:36 pm (UTC)... I did not. And that, I understand, is something that would also be worthy of anger. Perhaps I shall apologize when the time is right. [not for the doxx but at least that he didn't go to hua cheng directly. that said,]
My reasoning behind that choice is two-fold. He was very adamant during our last meeting that confessions are precarious. For myself, an unrelated party who had no major connection to him and who is close to the person he framed, I imagine that he would not be willing to open himself up to me.
Second, if he was not willing to confess to the group at large and if he was truly motivated by the belief that personal confession would lead to disaster, I thought it worthy of aiding him. As my crane would say, without surprises, one's heart will die long before their body.
[so jiji chose the note. he hums faintly.]
I understand he is cross with the individual who wrote it. I shall meet his blade readily if he is angry, but I do not regret my action. It would be hypocrisy, to avoid consequence for what I have done.
[and everyone's hypocritical, especially in these games, but mikazuki does try to carry himself just a little bit better when he can]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:45 pm (UTC)You expected him to 'do better', but you never even gave him the chance to do so? It wasn't even a week before you wrote that note! Why?!
[He already knows the answer. But he wants to hear Mikazuki say it first.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:51 pm (UTC)[so the note came as jiji's 'do better']
And in the end, trial was coming. [he'll admit that plainly. he does imagine it hurts, but rin has been asking for answers all this time, and mikazuki will not ask him anymore if he is still sure he wants to hear them] The other known names were Sheila, Molly, and Diluc Ragnvindr - each of which were shadowed.
Ultimately, I do believe that we as a group would endeavor to find someone who killed the individuals found on Friday. Now that I am not shadowed myself, I can say that I do not mind if that had been me.
But in the end, we did not. [at least. not before 8:59] So how do you suppose we should have voted?
[it is a sincere question, and he wonders what conclusion rin will come to. whether it's fair or not, someone must always die on saturday. will they choose a person who did not willingly kill? or someone who did?]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 04:49 pm (UTC)[Rin has, if nothing else, been consistent in what he says to do.
But his anger is building up now. As much as he keeps telling himself 'don't listen to the demon, he's not right here', he finds himself feeling those same pains in his heart. He feels the words building up inside of him, and even though he knows he shouldn't say it, he just comes out and says it.]
I'm mad at you, you know. You talk all these pretty words and long explanations, but it doesn't really feel like you mean half of it. Like, yeah, I get it, you were mad that Shinobu was put in danger. She's important to you, of course you were mad about that. But that doesn't excuse what you did.
You should've known you were signing him away to death the moment you wrote that note. Everyone in this game is fighting to protect their own, so of course they're gonna look for an easy answer that doesn't get their friends voted out! Regardless of your intentions, you had to know he was going to die because of that note. That's why you wrote it on Thursday, instead of waiting until after the trial and saying it in person at the next meeting. That's why you named him specifically, instead of saying "someone else used a power to pretend to be Shinobu and kill Sylvain". Even if you didn't want to punish him specifically, you had to know you were putting him in a position where it was very likely he'd die. That was the goal, wasn't it? Not just to take everyone's suspicions off of Shinobu, but to put their suspicions onto someone else entirely at the same time. And if that wasn't your intention- if you really are so goddamn stupid that you didn't see that coming from a mile away- then I dunno what to think anymore. I'm a huge idiot and even I could see what was gonna happen!
So I'm mad at you! You're either a hypocrite or a moron, and I don't know what would be worse!
[He'll be less-mad eventually. Rin's anger burns hot, but it always burns out quickly. And in the end, he does understand why Mikazuki did it. Protecting someone you love is a powerful motivator. It's a lesson he's learned painfully many times over now. But his anger is bubbling up right now and making it hard for him to acknowledge that point properly.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:12 pm (UTC)facing anger is not new to mikazuki, and it never will be. rin may say whatever he wishes, and mikazuki won't hold it against him. even now, there's no malice in his words. he's not angry at anyone, not even hua cheng. it is an emotion too far away for him to know.]
Then if I may.... in my view, a best guess may divide the vote, condemning more than one life to death. [as a shadow, mikazuki couldn't do much. if he wasn't shadowed, he would've been upfront about voting for hua cheng. but he was and so in the end, he just didn't want to risk a tie in their mad scramble] You are right that I decided that the individual who chose to take a life of his own volition was the one I would have rather everyone voted for, rather than someone who killed against their will. That a choice I made. [and he wasn't alone.]
You are welcome to be mad, and I am well aware that none of it excuses what I did. I do not seek excuse or forgiveness. Words mean little, in the end, and only our actions remain. I offer words only because you have asked for answers. [he actually normally doesn't talk this much? he prefers cryptic guiding questions.] In the end, what others make of those actions is out of my hands.
The same can be said of Hua Cheng. In the end, what I did was not a matter of suspicion but truth, and that is all I asked people not look away from.
[if hua cheng didn't frame someone innocent while not shadowed, then mikazuki wouldn't have cared enough to doxx him. that's really all it is.]
I am sorry that the loss was yours and that of your companions, Rin Okumura. I do not wish for anyone to die, but I know how I have contributed to what happened to Hua Cheng. You do not need my permission, but I accept your anger.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:39 pm (UTC)Which is why he says what he says next:]
Don't just apologize to me. You gotta make things right with him.
[Everyone deserves the chance to make their wrongs right. Actions alone don't mean shit if you don't have the intentions to back them up. Even if Rin is furious with Mikazuki, that is his 'Truth'. And 'everyone' includes people Rin is mad at too.
...he doesn't actually hate Mikazuki either. He's still very attached to jiji. He's just trying to process his anger and pain while still feeling strongly about people he sees as friends.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:57 pm (UTC)I will speak with him when all matters are done, and I shall expect him to do the same - at the very least, with Shinobu Kocho.
['make things right' is dependent on both parties being able to discuss the situation, and he wonders if that will be possible. but at least to ease rin's mind, mikazuki will agree to open the door. just because he holds no malice about the situation, that doesn't necessarily mean the same of hua cheng. and that is also fair.
but in the end, mikazuki knew the choice he made would be controversial. it would not be the first time, and it will not be the last.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 10:16 pm (UTC)[But it sounds like Mikazuki will try, and that's enough for Rin.]
Just...make sure you actually mean it, when you talk to him. He sees through shit better than I do. If you're not being genuine, he'll know right away. And he's not as nice as me about saying when someone's being a hypocrite.