He could have done better without my prompting, Rin Okumura. He is not a child. I found out on Tuesday, and waited to see if he would confess to the group or Shinobu Kocho within the week. He did not.
[so the note came as jiji's 'do better']
And in the end, trial was coming. [he'll admit that plainly. he does imagine it hurts, but rin has been asking for answers all this time, and mikazuki will not ask him anymore if he is still sure he wants to hear them] The other known names were Sheila, Molly, and Diluc Ragnvindr - each of which were shadowed.
Ultimately, I do believe that we as a group would endeavor to find someone who killed the individuals found on Friday. Now that I am not shadowed myself, I can say that I do not mind if that had been me.
But in the end, we did not. [at least. not before 8:59] So how do you suppose we should have voted?
[it is a sincere question, and he wonders what conclusion rin will come to. whether it's fair or not, someone must always die on saturday. will they choose a person who did not willingly kill? or someone who did?]
The same answer I've always been giving: if we're not sure, take our best guess from what we have available. It's what I've always done.
[Rin has, if nothing else, been consistent in what he says to do.
But his anger is building up now. As much as he keeps telling himself 'don't listen to the demon, he's not right here', he finds himself feeling those same pains in his heart. He feels the words building up inside of him, and even though he knows he shouldn't say it, he just comes out and says it.]
I'm mad at you, you know. You talk all these pretty words and long explanations, but it doesn't really feel like you mean half of it. Like, yeah, I get it, you were mad that Shinobu was put in danger. She's important to you, of course you were mad about that. But that doesn't excuse what you did.
You should've known you were signing him away to death the moment you wrote that note. Everyone in this game is fighting to protect their own, so of course they're gonna look for an easy answer that doesn't get their friends voted out! Regardless of your intentions, you had to know he was going to die because of that note. That's why you wrote it on Thursday, instead of waiting until after the trial and saying it in person at the next meeting. That's why you named him specifically, instead of saying "someone else used a power to pretend to be Shinobu and kill Sylvain". Even if you didn't want to punish him specifically, you had to know you were putting him in a position where it was very likely he'd die. That was the goal, wasn't it? Not just to take everyone's suspicions off of Shinobu, but to put their suspicions onto someone else entirely at the same time. And if that wasn't your intention- if you really are so goddamn stupid that you didn't see that coming from a mile away- then I dunno what to think anymore. I'm a huge idiot and even I could see what was gonna happen!
So I'm mad at you! You're either a hypocrite or a moron, and I don't know what would be worse!
[He'll be less-mad eventually. Rin's anger burns hot, but it always burns out quickly. And in the end, he does understand why Mikazuki did it. Protecting someone you love is a powerful motivator. It's a lesson he's learned painfully many times over now. But his anger is bubbling up right now and making it hard for him to acknowledge that point properly.]
facing anger is not new to mikazuki, and it never will be. rin may say whatever he wishes, and mikazuki won't hold it against him. even now, there's no malice in his words. he's not angry at anyone, not even hua cheng. it is an emotion too far away for him to know.]
Then if I may.... in my view, a best guess may divide the vote, condemning more than one life to death. [as a shadow, mikazuki couldn't do much. if he wasn't shadowed, he would've been upfront about voting for hua cheng. but he was and so in the end, he just didn't want to risk a tie in their mad scramble] You are right that I decided that the individual who chose to take a life of his own volition was the one I would have rather everyone voted for, rather than someone who killed against their will. That a choice I made. [and he wasn't alone.]
You are welcome to be mad, and I am well aware that none of it excuses what I did. I do not seek excuse or forgiveness. Words mean little, in the end, and only our actions remain. I offer words only because you have asked for answers. [he actually normally doesn't talk this much? he prefers cryptic guiding questions.] In the end, what others make of those actions is out of my hands.
The same can be said of Hua Cheng. In the end, what I did was not a matter of suspicion but truth, and that is all I asked people not look away from.
[if hua cheng didn't frame someone innocent while not shadowed, then mikazuki wouldn't have cared enough to doxx him. that's really all it is.]
I am sorry that the loss was yours and that of your companions, Rin Okumura. I do not wish for anyone to die, but I know how I have contributed to what happened to Hua Cheng. You do not need my permission, but I accept your anger.
[It's hard for Rin to accept Mikazuki's views there. Rin has always been told that even if you do something wrong, you always go back and make it right. Even if someone doesn't accept that apology, even if the friendship is broken afterwards, you always go back and try to make things right for the person you hurt. It's something Rin has always believed in, because he has to. Even if his intentions are good, his actions still hurt people sometimes. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if his 'Truth' was that only actions mattered. He has a good heart, temper problems and idiocy aside, and his heart aches every time he harms someone else. It would be unbearable if he couldn't make things right in the end.
Which is why he says what he says next:]
Don't just apologize to me. You gotta make things right with him.
[Everyone deserves the chance to make their wrongs right. Actions alone don't mean shit if you don't have the intentions to back them up. Even if Rin is furious with Mikazuki, that is his 'Truth'. And 'everyone' includes people Rin is mad at too.
...he doesn't actually hate Mikazuki either. He's still very attached to jiji. He's just trying to process his anger and pain while still feeling strongly about people he sees as friends.]
I will speak with him when all matters are done, and I shall expect him to do the same - at the very least, with Shinobu Kocho.
['make things right' is dependent on both parties being able to discuss the situation, and he wonders if that will be possible. but at least to ease rin's mind, mikazuki will agree to open the door. just because he holds no malice about the situation, that doesn't necessarily mean the same of hua cheng. and that is also fair.
but in the end, mikazuki knew the choice he made would be controversial. it would not be the first time, and it will not be the last.]
Yeah, well. I hope she had enough sense to go talk to him after trial, because it's not like he could've gone running after her to go apologize when he was locked up.
[But it sounds like Mikazuki will try, and that's enough for Rin.]
Just...make sure you actually mean it, when you talk to him. He sees through shit better than I do. If you're not being genuine, he'll know right away. And he's not as nice as me about saying when someone's being a hypocrite.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 03:51 pm (UTC)[so the note came as jiji's 'do better']
And in the end, trial was coming. [he'll admit that plainly. he does imagine it hurts, but rin has been asking for answers all this time, and mikazuki will not ask him anymore if he is still sure he wants to hear them] The other known names were Sheila, Molly, and Diluc Ragnvindr - each of which were shadowed.
Ultimately, I do believe that we as a group would endeavor to find someone who killed the individuals found on Friday. Now that I am not shadowed myself, I can say that I do not mind if that had been me.
But in the end, we did not. [at least. not before 8:59] So how do you suppose we should have voted?
[it is a sincere question, and he wonders what conclusion rin will come to. whether it's fair or not, someone must always die on saturday. will they choose a person who did not willingly kill? or someone who did?]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 04:49 pm (UTC)[Rin has, if nothing else, been consistent in what he says to do.
But his anger is building up now. As much as he keeps telling himself 'don't listen to the demon, he's not right here', he finds himself feeling those same pains in his heart. He feels the words building up inside of him, and even though he knows he shouldn't say it, he just comes out and says it.]
I'm mad at you, you know. You talk all these pretty words and long explanations, but it doesn't really feel like you mean half of it. Like, yeah, I get it, you were mad that Shinobu was put in danger. She's important to you, of course you were mad about that. But that doesn't excuse what you did.
You should've known you were signing him away to death the moment you wrote that note. Everyone in this game is fighting to protect their own, so of course they're gonna look for an easy answer that doesn't get their friends voted out! Regardless of your intentions, you had to know he was going to die because of that note. That's why you wrote it on Thursday, instead of waiting until after the trial and saying it in person at the next meeting. That's why you named him specifically, instead of saying "someone else used a power to pretend to be Shinobu and kill Sylvain". Even if you didn't want to punish him specifically, you had to know you were putting him in a position where it was very likely he'd die. That was the goal, wasn't it? Not just to take everyone's suspicions off of Shinobu, but to put their suspicions onto someone else entirely at the same time. And if that wasn't your intention- if you really are so goddamn stupid that you didn't see that coming from a mile away- then I dunno what to think anymore. I'm a huge idiot and even I could see what was gonna happen!
So I'm mad at you! You're either a hypocrite or a moron, and I don't know what would be worse!
[He'll be less-mad eventually. Rin's anger burns hot, but it always burns out quickly. And in the end, he does understand why Mikazuki did it. Protecting someone you love is a powerful motivator. It's a lesson he's learned painfully many times over now. But his anger is bubbling up right now and making it hard for him to acknowledge that point properly.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:12 pm (UTC)facing anger is not new to mikazuki, and it never will be. rin may say whatever he wishes, and mikazuki won't hold it against him. even now, there's no malice in his words. he's not angry at anyone, not even hua cheng. it is an emotion too far away for him to know.]
Then if I may.... in my view, a best guess may divide the vote, condemning more than one life to death. [as a shadow, mikazuki couldn't do much. if he wasn't shadowed, he would've been upfront about voting for hua cheng. but he was and so in the end, he just didn't want to risk a tie in their mad scramble] You are right that I decided that the individual who chose to take a life of his own volition was the one I would have rather everyone voted for, rather than someone who killed against their will. That a choice I made. [and he wasn't alone.]
You are welcome to be mad, and I am well aware that none of it excuses what I did. I do not seek excuse or forgiveness. Words mean little, in the end, and only our actions remain. I offer words only because you have asked for answers. [he actually normally doesn't talk this much? he prefers cryptic guiding questions.] In the end, what others make of those actions is out of my hands.
The same can be said of Hua Cheng. In the end, what I did was not a matter of suspicion but truth, and that is all I asked people not look away from.
[if hua cheng didn't frame someone innocent while not shadowed, then mikazuki wouldn't have cared enough to doxx him. that's really all it is.]
I am sorry that the loss was yours and that of your companions, Rin Okumura. I do not wish for anyone to die, but I know how I have contributed to what happened to Hua Cheng. You do not need my permission, but I accept your anger.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:39 pm (UTC)Which is why he says what he says next:]
Don't just apologize to me. You gotta make things right with him.
[Everyone deserves the chance to make their wrongs right. Actions alone don't mean shit if you don't have the intentions to back them up. Even if Rin is furious with Mikazuki, that is his 'Truth'. And 'everyone' includes people Rin is mad at too.
...he doesn't actually hate Mikazuki either. He's still very attached to jiji. He's just trying to process his anger and pain while still feeling strongly about people he sees as friends.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 05:57 pm (UTC)I will speak with him when all matters are done, and I shall expect him to do the same - at the very least, with Shinobu Kocho.
['make things right' is dependent on both parties being able to discuss the situation, and he wonders if that will be possible. but at least to ease rin's mind, mikazuki will agree to open the door. just because he holds no malice about the situation, that doesn't necessarily mean the same of hua cheng. and that is also fair.
but in the end, mikazuki knew the choice he made would be controversial. it would not be the first time, and it will not be the last.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 10:16 pm (UTC)[But it sounds like Mikazuki will try, and that's enough for Rin.]
Just...make sure you actually mean it, when you talk to him. He sees through shit better than I do. If you're not being genuine, he'll know right away. And he's not as nice as me about saying when someone's being a hypocrite.