Talking about all of it would take too long. Just...I'm a really huge fuck-up. That's why I'm always saying 'go back and fix your mistakes', because I make mistakes all the time. And every time something here tries to hit me where it hurts, it always comes back to that. "you always mess things up, you can't save anyone, nobody will forgive you for what you've done". Stuff like that. And since I really do mess stuff up all the time, it's easy to start believing those words.
[It's easy to believe that he doesn't deserve friends, or family, or love and acceptance. Because he's always making mistakes and nobody would want to deal with that, or the people who actually would will just keep dying because of him instead.
Insecurities born of negative things Rin can't change about himself, which often prevent him from fully realizing and accepting the ways he actually is a good person.]
[ i'm a huge fuck up truly strikes a place inside of him, but he isn't here to compare them, isn't here to offer a similar anecdote because that's just selfish. instead, polaris just seeks out rinkou and sits beside her, leaning in to just nose her gently. ]
You did what you went to Mount Tonglu to do, didn't you? To retrieve the anchor for Hua Cheng. In life, we're always going to make mistakes. I've made more than my fair share, and they don't simply stop happening. You've been dealt a complex hand, Rin, that's what I have seen, and even still you persevere and you play the cards you're dealt.
When you unsheathed your sword and fought alongside us... well. In that moment, there was no one else I'd rather fight alongside. I hope you know that.
['We', because all three of them fought hard for it. And it does get Rin to smile. What a great team they made. Melt reaction stronk.]
Hua Cheng told me to hold onto it until the most important moment, and that felt really important. We all really had to fight our best to make it out of there, I wasn't gonna hold back any longer.
[The words are comforting too. Rin has been so supported here, so many people have picking him up when the world kept knocking him down. There was never a chance for the demon in his heart to take root and fully assume control of their shared body.
'Why was I saved?' Rin had asked that once. And while he doesn't have the full answer yet, he feels closer to it than he's ever been.]
I think...all the enemies we've faced, they wanted me to feel like I was useless. Because if I'm mopey, then I can't fight, and that's what they wanted. To divide us and make us easy to beat. So I'm gonna keep my chin up, flip off the sky, and say "Fuck you, world!" Nobody's gonna drag me down like that!
[He'll absolutely have moments of weakness going forward, but he has the resolve to overcome them at least. He might talk about how he's a fuck-up and always gets things wrong, but he wants to be better, to do better. And that want is stronger than any of his fears.]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-20 04:23 pm (UTC)[It's easy to believe that he doesn't deserve friends, or family, or love and acceptance. Because he's always making mistakes and nobody would want to deal with that, or the people who actually would will just keep dying because of him instead.
Insecurities born of negative things Rin can't change about himself, which often prevent him from fully realizing and accepting the ways he actually is a good person.]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-20 04:59 pm (UTC)[ i'm a huge fuck up truly strikes a place inside of him, but he isn't here to compare them, isn't here to offer a similar anecdote because that's just selfish. instead, polaris just seeks out rinkou and sits beside her, leaning in to just nose her gently. ]
You did what you went to Mount Tonglu to do, didn't you? To retrieve the anchor for Hua Cheng. In life, we're always going to make mistakes. I've made more than my fair share, and they don't simply stop happening. You've been dealt a complex hand, Rin, that's what I have seen, and even still you persevere and you play the cards you're dealt.
When you unsheathed your sword and fought alongside us... well. In that moment, there was no one else I'd rather fight alongside. I hope you know that.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-20 05:28 pm (UTC)['We', because all three of them fought hard for it. And it does get Rin to smile. What a great team they made. Melt reaction stronk.]
Hua Cheng told me to hold onto it until the most important moment, and that felt really important. We all really had to fight our best to make it out of there, I wasn't gonna hold back any longer.
[The words are comforting too. Rin has been so supported here, so many people have picking him up when the world kept knocking him down. There was never a chance for the demon in his heart to take root and fully assume control of their shared body.
'Why was I saved?' Rin had asked that once. And while he doesn't have the full answer yet, he feels closer to it than he's ever been.]
I think...all the enemies we've faced, they wanted me to feel like I was useless. Because if I'm mopey, then I can't fight, and that's what they wanted. To divide us and make us easy to beat. So I'm gonna keep my chin up, flip off the sky, and say "Fuck you, world!" Nobody's gonna drag me down like that!
[He'll absolutely have moments of weakness going forward, but he has the resolve to overcome them at least. He might talk about how he's a fuck-up and always gets things wrong, but he wants to be better, to do better. And that want is stronger than any of his fears.]