[Oh. That distance is like a stab in his heart right now.]
I...
[With time to think on it, he knows what he had trying to get at during trial- even without the whole 'yeah Diluc already killed' part- and would explain it normally. But he's stuck looking at the distance between himself and Sebastian, and he looks a little hurt right now.]
What with this? Did he- 'he' didn't hurt anyone, did he?
[He thought Hua Cheng had caught it before anything happened. At least, nobody told him about the demon inside his heart attacking people.
Yes, to Rin this is more important than talking about shadows or murders. Rin is deathly afraid of hurting people when he can't control what he's doing.]
[ he furrows his brow for a second as he has to recollect his thoughts himself. ]
Oh, uh. Just... it bugged me a lot that you were saying there was no way Diluc could have done it. After last week... it felt like you were trying to say he was stronger or better than Kazunari... a-and Sheila, she'd never hurt a good kid, but look what she did to Rupert! And Clementine too, it— none of them would have done those things either!
A-and if you have this thing that's kind of like a shadow sometimes too, then... you should get it, right?
What I've got is different than a shadow. But...it's not that Diluc is better or stronger than anyone who killed and got caught. I already knew Diluc had killed someone before, he told me about it right after that trial. But I couldn't just say that at the trial. I was kinda hoping people would just listen to me and keep looking elsewhere without asking questions.
[It might have worked if Rin had better relationships with everyone, but it hella backfired now.]
And even without that, even if Diluc had gotten possessed a second time, Diluc was angry at the trial. If he'd been the one who killed Kaeya, he would've been sad not angry. Kaeya and Diluc were practically married, even someone like Diluc who doesn't show his emotions much wouldn't have been able to hide his sadness. Instead, he looked ready to kill someone.
Even after that, it— I've been beating myself up for the last two weeks for not being able to figure it out!
[ rin had seen for himself what a mess he was after that. ]
And what Molly said was true, too! Alphinaud and Bucky and both of their hostages— I mean, we shouldn't be executing anyone because of the stupid shadows, but since we don't have a choice... more people already died because of him than because of Kazunari! Why didn't we vote for him last week?!
It's- it's not about how many people someone's killed! If it was, then you might as well vote me out instead!
[There are plenty of people here with higher body counts than Rin, but he's not one to blame other people when he can just use himself as a handy example.]
So when we find out whoever murdered Aikawa or Kaeya are you gonna say the same thing? That we should vote for them next week because they already killed, so it's fine?
And why limit it to here, huh? Are other murders somehow okay because they didn't happen here?!
Nobody else besides their victims died because of them, because Kazunari and Sheila were guilty too! He's the only one who successfully framed an innocent person!
And— no?? But I don't know what everyone did in their own worlds, and they all work differently anyway! You can't compare like, me and Dimitri, because he had to fight a war and I didn't!
What good is it gonna do to vote him out then, huh?! We messed up! It already happened, we can't go back and fix things! Killing Diluc won't bring Bucky back!
Besides, he probably won't even be around next week to vote out anyway, someone's probably gonna kill him next week because 'his hostage is safe so it's fine'!
[His face is starting to feel hot again, and he sniffs and reaches up to wipe at his eyes.]
It's not gonna do good, but I'd rather vote for him than another nice person who was only responsible for one death instead of two!
Ugh...
[ honestly he hopes that's what happens if someone has to die again, but he manages to hold himself back from saying so, because seeing rin start to cry is making him cry more. ]
[This is going to be a feedback loop of crying, I can feel it in my soul.
I don't know, it's not like I asked Diluc all the people he told! I haven't told anyone about it!
[He's been carrying this for two very, very long weeks.]
I just...shit, I can't stand the way you're talking right now. And you don't even know how horrible it sounds, do you?
[He wants to be mad at Sebastian, but he can't be. Ultimately it's not really Sebastian's fault, Rin knows Sebastian probably grew up with the kind of life where he never saw how grey the world actually is. And he's had time to get attached to Sebastian so he can't just call him a stupid asshole and slam the door in his face.]
[ he truly does not see how "two is more than one, so two deaths is worse than one death" is a point with room for argument in this scenario. ]
I'm not the one who sounds bad! And it's not "all the people he told", it's Bucky! If he told his friends but couldn't confess to the guy whose life he was stealing then he's a jerk! If he did, then... okay, I guess!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 01:34 pm (UTC)[ He stays a few feet away, crossing his arms. ]
Did you really not get it after last week? That they can make anyone do anything?
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Date: 2022-07-10 02:24 pm (UTC)I...
[With time to think on it, he knows what he had trying to get at during trial- even without the whole 'yeah Diluc already killed' part- and would explain it normally. But he's stuck looking at the distance between himself and Sebastian, and he looks a little hurt right now.]
What with this? Did he- 'he' didn't hurt anyone, did he?
[He thought Hua Cheng had caught it before anything happened. At least, nobody told him about the demon inside his heart attacking people.
Yes, to Rin this is more important than talking about shadows or murders. Rin is deathly afraid of hurting people when he can't control what he's doing.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 02:34 pm (UTC)[ He blinks. ]
N-no, that's not what I meant...
1/3
Date: 2022-07-10 02:40 pm (UTC)Then 'he' didn't...okay.
Sorry, I just- nevermind. If you're not hurt, then it's okay.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 02:40 pm (UTC)What I was worried about is okay. Not what you were asking about. We can still talk about that.
3/3
Date: 2022-07-10 02:40 pm (UTC)What was the question again?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 03:12 pm (UTC)[ he furrows his brow for a second as he has to recollect his thoughts himself. ]
Oh, uh. Just... it bugged me a lot that you were saying there was no way Diluc could have done it. After last week... it felt like you were trying to say he was stronger or better than Kazunari... a-and Sheila, she'd never hurt a good kid, but look what she did to Rupert! And Clementine too, it— none of them would have done those things either!
A-and if you have this thing that's kind of like a shadow sometimes too, then... you should get it, right?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 03:25 pm (UTC)[Heck.]
What I've got is different than a shadow. But...it's not that Diluc is better or stronger than anyone who killed and got caught. I already knew Diluc had killed someone before, he told me about it right after that trial. But I couldn't just say that at the trial. I was kinda hoping people would just listen to me and keep looking elsewhere without asking questions.
[It might have worked if Rin had better relationships with everyone, but it hella backfired now.]
And even without that, even if Diluc had gotten possessed a second time, Diluc was angry at the trial. If he'd been the one who killed Kaeya, he would've been sad not angry. Kaeya and Diluc were practically married, even someone like Diluc who doesn't show his emotions much wouldn't have been able to hide his sadness. Instead, he looked ready to kill someone.
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Date: 2022-07-10 04:04 pm (UTC)W-wait, you... you knew he was the reason Bucky died?
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Date: 2022-07-10 04:12 pm (UTC)I didn't know until after the trial. I'm sorry, if I'd have known at the time I would've said something.
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Date: 2022-07-10 04:44 pm (UTC)[ rin had seen for himself what a mess he was after that. ]
And what Molly said was true, too! Alphinaud and Bucky and both of their hostages— I mean, we shouldn't be executing anyone because of the stupid shadows, but since we don't have a choice... more people already died because of him than because of Kazunari! Why didn't we vote for him last week?!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 04:56 pm (UTC)[There are plenty of people here with higher body counts than Rin, but he's not one to blame other people when he can just use himself as a handy example.]
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Date: 2022-07-10 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 05:06 pm (UTC)And why limit it to here, huh? Are other murders somehow okay because they didn't happen here?!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 05:21 pm (UTC)And— no?? But I don't know what everyone did in their own worlds, and they all work differently anyway! You can't compare like, me and Dimitri, because he had to fight a war and I didn't!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 05:33 pm (UTC)Besides, he probably won't even be around next week to vote out anyway, someone's probably gonna kill him next week because 'his hostage is safe so it's fine'!
[His face is starting to feel hot again, and he sniffs and reaches up to wipe at his eyes.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 05:49 pm (UTC)Ugh...
[ honestly he hopes that's what happens if someone has to die again, but he manages to hold himself back from saying so, because seeing rin start to cry is making him cry more. ]
...Did he tell Bucky?
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Date: 2022-07-10 05:56 pm (UTC)I don't know, it's not like I asked Diluc all the people he told! I haven't told anyone about it!
[He's been carrying this for two very, very long weeks.]
I just...shit, I can't stand the way you're talking right now. And you don't even know how horrible it sounds, do you?
[He wants to be mad at Sebastian, but he can't be. Ultimately it's not really Sebastian's fault, Rin knows Sebastian probably grew up with the kind of life where he never saw how grey the world actually is. And he's had time to get attached to Sebastian so he can't just call him a stupid asshole and slam the door in his face.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 06:50 pm (UTC)[ he truly does not see how "two is more than one, so two deaths is worse than one death" is a point with room for argument in this scenario. ]
I'm not the one who sounds bad! And it's not "all the people he told", it's Bucky! If he told his friends but couldn't confess to the guy whose life he was stealing then he's a jerk! If he did, then... okay, I guess!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 07:08 pm (UTC)Did you ask him if he told Bucky?
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Date: 2022-07-10 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 07:38 pm (UTC)Well, what have you found?!
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