[For all he tries to act grown up and responsible, sometimes Rin really does need a headpat and a reminder that he's not alone. He's still a kid at heart, albeit one that's been forced to take on a lot of responsibility in a very short amount of time, and sometimes what he needs is for someone to tell him it's okay. Even if that message is difficult for him to accept.]
I'd run right after them and make friends with 'em if they didn't want to speak up, but- this is different, okay? It's- I'm the one who-
[Fuck, his face feels wet now. He reaches up to wipe at his eyes before the moisture there spills over too much.]
I don't have the right to even ask, not after everything that happened!
[ . . . he will just continue to lightly run his hand over rin's head then, headpats for the sweet, sad boy. mikazuki's voice is calm and even in the face of his tears, though it's not without some undercurrent of concern.]
... Tsurumaru Kuninaga is very dear to my heart.
Why don't you tell me what happened, and then I'll let you know whether or not I think it's safe for you to be near him?
It is often harder to forgive ourselves than others.
[A part of him is afraid. He's always been sensitive to rejection, and Mikazuki is closer to Tsurumaru. A part of him thinks that Mikazuki will hear what happened and decide that Rin really IS a threat and just abandon him here. Or harm him. Without his demon powers, he really has no way to protect himself from an attack right now.
But he can't let that fear stop him forever, he knows that. He doesn't expect forgiveness, but he craves atonement, and the first step to that is admitting what he did wrong. So he sniffs, rubs at his nose, and he starts talking.]
I've got a darkness in my heart. My sword's a seal on it normally, and it keeps that side of me from taking over. But last time, my sword got damaged in a big fight. And when I took my sword to Tsuru to see if he knew what to do about it, both the sword and the seal finally broke.
I-I don't know everything that happened. I can't see what's going on when 'he' has control. But when I got control back, Tsuru was already...
[He sniffs in again, and this time he wipes at his eyes.]
I don't think he even tried to fight back. He could've killed 'him' easily. But he just...let it happen. And when he saw me, he just smiled and apologized! I don't- I don't get it, but-
[He shakes his head. He's never really understood why Tsurumaru does what he does.]
'He' is quiet in me right now, even without the seal, but...I dunno. What if 'he' comes back again? I'd never hurt anyone, but that guy...
[ . . . . mikazuki is quiet, thoughtful, as rin opens his heart to him. he seems to be taking the matter seriously, entrusted with the deliberation and judgment of this young man's sins. in the end, a tsurumaru kuninaga was harmed, even if it was not his tsurumaru kuninaga.
and mikazuki is himself enough to know that regardless of origin, he will always carry a special love for that crane.
in front of him is the young man that broke him, in a world too far for mikazuki to even touch.
. . .
he reaches out and lets his hand rest upon rin's bowed head.]
... there is a darkness that exists within all of us. Even the greatest men may succumb to it. A betrayal of a dear friend, a twist of fate that leads to bloodshed... history is littered with many such conflicts. Not all are so fortunate that their sword may act as a seal upon their vices.
Your heart is pure, Rin Okumura. And it is that very light that seems to cast a shadow - upon both this other side of yourself, and the burden you bear now.
I will not allow this 'him' to hurt anyone else - you have my word. But Tsurumaru Kuninaga has told me this: the word for 'sadness' is made of the characters of 'heart' and 'emptiness'. To lose someone is to have an empty space in your heart...
And I think that crane would hate to know that he has left you with such a rift.
[The touch makes him flinch, because he's half-expecting a physical retaliation. Rin's past is littered with adult figures deciding that violence actually is the only option, and that subduing Rin is more important than helping him. But that touch isn't followed up by a slap, or a punch, or anything else. It's what makes Rin relax, albeit slightly.
The words Mikazuki says are significant, but the part about 'sadness' resonates with Rin so much. Not just for Tsurumaru's death by his own hands- though that will always be the biggest emptiness in his heart- but for all the deaths he has seen in the last year. Each loss has made his heart ache with loneliness, ultimately leaving him as he is today: missing his friends and trying to find people to connect with while still being afraid of the 'what ifs' the go along with having a literal demon inside your heart.
This is why he sniffs in, trying to keep the tears from falling out, but still ultimately needing to wipe at his eyes to keep them mostly-dry.]
You know, that sounds just like something he'd say.
[But Mikazuki would know that crane best, wouldn't he?]
I don't want there to be a rift, but it's hard to forget what happened.
Sometimes... it is the sad moments that make us who we are. How they affect us, and what it means to have a heart that is capable of bleeding just as badly as any wound. It is not a mark of weakness... but you are strong enough to carry it. Of this, I am certain.
If you are able to close the rift, and be closer with others... you may still yet be able to create even happier memories that live alongside the sad ones.
For even if it is moments of struggle that make us who we are, it is the pockets of joy that will make all troubles worth it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 12:05 pm (UTC)I'd run right after them and make friends with 'em if they didn't want to speak up, but- this is different, okay? It's- I'm the one who-
[Fuck, his face feels wet now. He reaches up to wipe at his eyes before the moisture there spills over too much.]
I don't have the right to even ask, not after everything that happened!
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 05:20 pm (UTC)... Tsurumaru Kuninaga is very dear to my heart.
Why don't you tell me what happened, and then I'll let you know whether or not I think it's safe for you to be near him?
It is often harder to forgive ourselves than others.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 11:11 pm (UTC)But he can't let that fear stop him forever, he knows that. He doesn't expect forgiveness, but he craves atonement, and the first step to that is admitting what he did wrong. So he sniffs, rubs at his nose, and he starts talking.]
I've got a darkness in my heart. My sword's a seal on it normally, and it keeps that side of me from taking over. But last time, my sword got damaged in a big fight. And when I took my sword to Tsuru to see if he knew what to do about it, both the sword and the seal finally broke.
I-I don't know everything that happened. I can't see what's going on when 'he' has control. But when I got control back, Tsuru was already...
[He sniffs in again, and this time he wipes at his eyes.]
I don't think he even tried to fight back. He could've killed 'him' easily. But he just...let it happen. And when he saw me, he just smiled and apologized! I don't- I don't get it, but-
[He shakes his head. He's never really understood why Tsurumaru does what he does.]
'He' is quiet in me right now, even without the seal, but...I dunno. What if 'he' comes back again? I'd never hurt anyone, but that guy...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 07:29 am (UTC)and mikazuki is himself enough to know that regardless of origin, he will always carry a special love for that crane.
in front of him is the young man that broke him, in a world too far for mikazuki to even touch.
. . .
he reaches out and lets his hand rest upon rin's bowed head.]
... there is a darkness that exists within all of us. Even the greatest men may succumb to it. A betrayal of a dear friend, a twist of fate that leads to bloodshed... history is littered with many such conflicts. Not all are so fortunate that their sword may act as a seal upon their vices.
Your heart is pure, Rin Okumura. And it is that very light that seems to cast a shadow - upon both this other side of yourself, and the burden you bear now.
I will not allow this 'him' to hurt anyone else - you have my word. But Tsurumaru Kuninaga has told me this: the word for 'sadness' is made of the characters of 'heart' and 'emptiness'. To lose someone is to have an empty space in your heart...
And I think that crane would hate to know that he has left you with such a rift.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-29 03:10 am (UTC)The words Mikazuki says are significant, but the part about 'sadness' resonates with Rin so much. Not just for Tsurumaru's death by his own hands- though that will always be the biggest emptiness in his heart- but for all the deaths he has seen in the last year. Each loss has made his heart ache with loneliness, ultimately leaving him as he is today: missing his friends and trying to find people to connect with while still being afraid of the 'what ifs' the go along with having a literal demon inside your heart.
This is why he sniffs in, trying to keep the tears from falling out, but still ultimately needing to wipe at his eyes to keep them mostly-dry.]
You know, that sounds just like something he'd say.
[But Mikazuki would know that crane best, wouldn't he?]
I don't want there to be a rift, but it's hard to forget what happened.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-29 05:35 pm (UTC)[softly, but certainly]
Sometimes... it is the sad moments that make us who we are. How they affect us, and what it means to have a heart that is capable of bleeding just as badly as any wound. It is not a mark of weakness... but you are strong enough to carry it. Of this, I am certain.
If you are able to close the rift, and be closer with others... you may still yet be able to create even happier memories that live alongside the sad ones.
For even if it is moments of struggle that make us who we are, it is the pockets of joy that will make all troubles worth it.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 03:21 am (UTC)[It makes Rin miss that person, but in a bittersweet way. Missing people means they left a good impression on you, right?]
I think I'd like for those pockets of joy to come sooner than later. It's been a rough year.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 07:42 pm (UTC)[a tilt of his head]
If you ever feel the darkness too much, then it is time to find our light.
Whatever it is that you would like to do, to create this joy... I will walk alongside you.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 07:56 pm (UTC)[And for accepting him and not judging him too harshly.
It's only too bad that the rest of the weeks are going to be a mix of fun and shitty at different times! Wowee!]