Well. This is the time for sharing, so even if it's something troubling Rin will share it. Because he's noticing some similarities between himself and Xie Lian, and above all else Rin wants to make sure Xie Lian doesn't feel alone in his suffering.]
You've seen the ring on my tail before, yeah? Since you do the body checks and all, usually.
[It's literally right by his ass though, so Xie Lian might have been looking away respectfully. So he's checking to see if he knows about the ring.]
[ xie lian glances at him, thoughtful, shaken out of whatever thought process he was just on. ]
...I think I recall such a thing. [ he does not spend much time looking for assvidence so no he could not tell you what it looked like, but a glimmer of gold is not hard to miss. ] Why do you ask?
Back when my powers first woke up and Shura took me on as a student, she put that ring on me. When someone says the activation words, it causes pain and forces me to stop whatever I'm doing. And because of it's magic, I can't remove it. Only the person who put it on me can.
[Despite how awful that sounds, he smiles.]
I've always had trouble controlling my power. I lost control of myself and became a monster way too many times, back at the beginning. I kept thinking 'it's okay, I'm using my power to help people, so it's fine.' But it wasn't fine, because I would lose control and then start hurting innocent people too. So this was the church's solution, to keep me in check and to protect the people around me.
[Even if he hadn't lost control like that in ages, not before the incident here with Tsuru. If someone had known the words to activate the ring, then maybe...
...no, Rin can't think like that. 'What ifs' are pointless, there's no changing the past. He has to own up to what he did and carry on.]
It might not be exactly the same for you, but that's kinda what whatever's under the bandages are for, yeah? "You fucked up, we're putting this on you so you don't fuck up again" or something like that.
[ he listens to this whole story, about loss of control, about finding a solution.
...it's a little different, but the meaning is still the same. the gesture of sharing is appreciated, and xie lian turns his head to look at him, expression soft and quietly fond, brows knit together. ]
... I see what you mean.
[ he's quiet, for a longer moment after that.
...
and then, eventually, reaches up to unwind the bandages. it's the only gesture he can do to match the kindness rin has given by sharing this with him.
the black shackle itself looks almost burnt into his skin; unlike rin's, it is not a physical object, but rather, a marking. a sign. ]
...I have not been entirely truthful with you, Rin. When I defied the Heavenly Emperor, by all technicality, I was punished by being banished from the Heavens - I lost my position as a martial god. This shackle seals off half of my spiritual energy.
[ not all of it; it is too strong to be taken down by only one. xie lian has always been exceptional. ]
It is only temporary; the Heavenly Emperor expects that I will be able to reascend. I have kept many of my powers, and believers still sustain my body as immortal.
...So less than a prevention, and... [ xie lian stops, for a moment, and then, turns his face away. his dark hair curtains over his shoulders as he does, hiding the mark once more. ] ...More so, a mark of shame.
[Rin listens, and he does so with an attentiveness he doesn't usually show. Xie Lian is important to him, after all. He deserves all the care and consideration Rin can give.
But as he listens, he starts to frown. How utterly unfair, for Xie Lian to lose so much for an ultimately good act. There is a lot of the story he is probably missing, he knows that, but his heart aches for Xie Lian. Especially when he hears that last bit.]
What absolute bullshit.
[He's mad at the Heavely Emporer, not Xie Lian. But his words are no less passionate.]
Shame? You're supposed to feel shame about that mark? Fuck that! There is nothing to be ashamed of here! You saw people suffering and said "no more, I have to do something".
You defied the gods and stood up for the unfortunate when nobody else would. That mark isn't one of shame, it's one of pride. It's proof that you're worthy of being a God, because anyone who wouldn't help those in need sure as hell isn't godlike.
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no subject
[Something that was worth it, huh?
Well. This is the time for sharing, so even if it's something troubling Rin will share it. Because he's noticing some similarities between himself and Xie Lian, and above all else Rin wants to make sure Xie Lian doesn't feel alone in his suffering.]
You've seen the ring on my tail before, yeah? Since you do the body checks and all, usually.
[It's literally right by his ass though, so Xie Lian might have been looking away respectfully. So he's checking to see if he knows about the ring.]
no subject
...I think I recall such a thing. [ he does not spend much time looking for assvidence so no he could not tell you what it looked like, but a glimmer of gold is not hard to miss. ] Why do you ask?
no subject
[Despite how awful that sounds, he smiles.]
I've always had trouble controlling my power. I lost control of myself and became a monster way too many times, back at the beginning. I kept thinking 'it's okay, I'm using my power to help people, so it's fine.' But it wasn't fine, because I would lose control and then start hurting innocent people too. So this was the church's solution, to keep me in check and to protect the people around me.
[Even if he hadn't lost control like that in ages, not before the incident here with Tsuru. If someone had known the words to activate the ring, then maybe...
...no, Rin can't think like that. 'What ifs' are pointless, there's no changing the past. He has to own up to what he did and carry on.]
It might not be exactly the same for you, but that's kinda what whatever's under the bandages are for, yeah? "You fucked up, we're putting this on you so you don't fuck up again" or something like that.
no subject
...it's a little different, but the meaning is still the same. the gesture of sharing is appreciated, and xie lian turns his head to look at him, expression soft and quietly fond, brows knit together. ]
... I see what you mean.
[ he's quiet, for a longer moment after that.
...
and then, eventually, reaches up to unwind the bandages. it's the only gesture he can do to match the kindness rin has given by sharing this with him.
the black shackle itself looks almost burnt into his skin; unlike rin's, it is not a physical object, but rather, a marking. a sign. ]
...I have not been entirely truthful with you, Rin. When I defied the Heavenly Emperor, by all technicality, I was punished by being banished from the Heavens - I lost my position as a martial god. This shackle seals off half of my spiritual energy.
[ not all of it; it is too strong to be taken down by only one. xie lian has always been exceptional. ]
It is only temporary; the Heavenly Emperor expects that I will be able to reascend. I have kept many of my powers, and believers still sustain my body as immortal.
...So less than a prevention, and... [ xie lian stops, for a moment, and then, turns his face away. his dark hair curtains over his shoulders as he does, hiding the mark once more. ] ...More so, a mark of shame.
no subject
But as he listens, he starts to frown. How utterly unfair, for Xie Lian to lose so much for an ultimately good act. There is a lot of the story he is probably missing, he knows that, but his heart aches for Xie Lian. Especially when he hears that last bit.]
What absolute bullshit.
[He's mad at the Heavely Emporer, not Xie Lian. But his words are no less passionate.]
Shame? You're supposed to feel shame about that mark? Fuck that! There is nothing to be ashamed of here! You saw people suffering and said "no more, I have to do something".
You defied the gods and stood up for the unfortunate when nobody else would. That mark isn't one of shame, it's one of pride. It's proof that you're worthy of being a God, because anyone who wouldn't help those in need sure as hell isn't godlike.