[Despite everything, they still carry on. And Rin still goes looking for Xie Lian after the trial. Wherever Xie Lian is, Rin is going to end up near him. And while he does start up with the silly prayer-speak, it's in a much more subdued voice than it usually is.]
Mysterious god of the central plains, this half-demon has but one humble request this week: that the god he prays to shares his burdens with him, rather than trying to shoulder them alone.
[Then he waits to see if Xie Lian is receptive to that or not.]
[ xie lian is... in the sauna! he's sitting towards the very edge, and the coals aren't really burning - it is just warm enough to be comfortable, but he's staring out at the snowy landscape beyond.
as rin comes to talk to him, he listens... and after a moment, huffs, softly, and gives him a small, tired smile. ]
That's quite forward of you to request, in that context, you know.
[ that's true. also now i got mod confirmation so he's also got wagahai sitting in his lap. ]
Some gods aren't very good at listening to the rules, either. [ there's a little rueful humor to that, quiet - xie lian is pretty aware of his own failings. ] ...It has just been a very long day.
It has been a long day, yeah. But if it's been too long for talking, then there's other ways to share the burden. Leaning on someone else, letting someone brush out your hair or cook something for you, things like that.
xie lian turns his head, and gives rin a little smile. ] Or perhaps petting a cat. [ as he reaches down and pats wagahai gently on the head, who 'mrrows'. ]
[ rin's right on the money. the smile grows a little, and xie lian ducks his head. ]
...I once defied the Heavenly Emperor because I felt that the rules of the Heavens were too restricting. I wanted to save people, and I felt like I was stuck there, doing nothing. So I descended to see the people and help them without his permission.
[ he lifts his hand, gently brushing against the bandages on his throat. ] I was punished for the action, but... I still don't regret it, even now.
[ even though things didnt turn out right; even though he didn't manage to save his kingdom, or his people... it's so much better that he was able to try. sometimes xie lian wrestles even now with what would have happened if he stayed away, but... watching people suffer and doing nothing felt like more of a crime than anything. ]
[He listens to all of this, and he sighs. Of course Xie Lian would defy the Heavens. He was the one who disregarded so many warnings to protect one child, after all. Rin would be disappointed if he had learned that Xie Lian was anything but willing to say fuck you to authority to save others.]
Yeah. That sounds like something you'd do.
[He sounds proud of Xie Lian when he says that so. Fuck the rules, saving people is the most important thing.]
What did they do to you? For the punishment.
[He's looking to the bandages at Xie Lian's neck now.]
but, he laughs a little at first at that sounds like something you'd do, because he's aware of his own qualities as a very stubborn and occasionally very stupid person, but... the laughter fades very quickly.
self consciously, he curls his hand at the bandages. ]
... Something that was worth it. [ something that is still a sore spot, it seems. ] But - it seems those of us on the Celestial team have that sort of attitude in behavior in common. [ the fuck u authority, anyway. ]
Well. This is the time for sharing, so even if it's something troubling Rin will share it. Because he's noticing some similarities between himself and Xie Lian, and above all else Rin wants to make sure Xie Lian doesn't feel alone in his suffering.]
You've seen the ring on my tail before, yeah? Since you do the body checks and all, usually.
[It's literally right by his ass though, so Xie Lian might have been looking away respectfully. So he's checking to see if he knows about the ring.]
[ xie lian glances at him, thoughtful, shaken out of whatever thought process he was just on. ]
...I think I recall such a thing. [ he does not spend much time looking for assvidence so no he could not tell you what it looked like, but a glimmer of gold is not hard to miss. ] Why do you ask?
Back when my powers first woke up and Shura took me on as a student, she put that ring on me. When someone says the activation words, it causes pain and forces me to stop whatever I'm doing. And because of it's magic, I can't remove it. Only the person who put it on me can.
[Despite how awful that sounds, he smiles.]
I've always had trouble controlling my power. I lost control of myself and became a monster way too many times, back at the beginning. I kept thinking 'it's okay, I'm using my power to help people, so it's fine.' But it wasn't fine, because I would lose control and then start hurting innocent people too. So this was the church's solution, to keep me in check and to protect the people around me.
[Even if he hadn't lost control like that in ages, not before the incident here with Tsuru. If someone had known the words to activate the ring, then maybe...
...no, Rin can't think like that. 'What ifs' are pointless, there's no changing the past. He has to own up to what he did and carry on.]
It might not be exactly the same for you, but that's kinda what whatever's under the bandages are for, yeah? "You fucked up, we're putting this on you so you don't fuck up again" or something like that.
[ he listens to this whole story, about loss of control, about finding a solution.
...it's a little different, but the meaning is still the same. the gesture of sharing is appreciated, and xie lian turns his head to look at him, expression soft and quietly fond, brows knit together. ]
... I see what you mean.
[ he's quiet, for a longer moment after that.
...
and then, eventually, reaches up to unwind the bandages. it's the only gesture he can do to match the kindness rin has given by sharing this with him.
the black shackle itself looks almost burnt into his skin; unlike rin's, it is not a physical object, but rather, a marking. a sign. ]
...I have not been entirely truthful with you, Rin. When I defied the Heavenly Emperor, by all technicality, I was punished by being banished from the Heavens - I lost my position as a martial god. This shackle seals off half of my spiritual energy.
[ not all of it; it is too strong to be taken down by only one. xie lian has always been exceptional. ]
It is only temporary; the Heavenly Emperor expects that I will be able to reascend. I have kept many of my powers, and believers still sustain my body as immortal.
...So less than a prevention, and... [ xie lian stops, for a moment, and then, turns his face away. his dark hair curtains over his shoulders as he does, hiding the mark once more. ] ...More so, a mark of shame.
[Rin listens, and he does so with an attentiveness he doesn't usually show. Xie Lian is important to him, after all. He deserves all the care and consideration Rin can give.
But as he listens, he starts to frown. How utterly unfair, for Xie Lian to lose so much for an ultimately good act. There is a lot of the story he is probably missing, he knows that, but his heart aches for Xie Lian. Especially when he hears that last bit.]
What absolute bullshit.
[He's mad at the Heavely Emporer, not Xie Lian. But his words are no less passionate.]
Shame? You're supposed to feel shame about that mark? Fuck that! There is nothing to be ashamed of here! You saw people suffering and said "no more, I have to do something".
You defied the gods and stood up for the unfortunate when nobody else would. That mark isn't one of shame, it's one of pride. It's proof that you're worthy of being a God, because anyone who wouldn't help those in need sure as hell isn't godlike.
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Week 5, post-trial
Mysterious god of the central plains, this half-demon has but one humble request this week: that the god he prays to shares his burdens with him, rather than trying to shoulder them alone.
[Then he waits to see if Xie Lian is receptive to that or not.]
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as rin comes to talk to him, he listens... and after a moment, huffs, softly, and gives him a small, tired smile. ]
That's quite forward of you to request, in that context, you know.
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[Rin trying to "I can do what I want" his way into helping his friends with their emotional loads.
He's sitting down next to Xie Lian by the way.]
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Some gods aren't very good at listening to the rules, either. [ there's a little rueful humor to that, quiet - xie lian is pretty aware of his own failings. ] ...It has just been a very long day.
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xie lian turns his head, and gives rin a little smile. ] Or perhaps petting a cat. [ as he reaches down and pats wagahai gently on the head, who 'mrrows'. ]
... Rin, may I ask you what team you're on?
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[Rin smiles down at Wagahai. The question Xie Lian asks though, it gets an immediate answer without a moment's hesitation.]
Isn't it obvious? I'm a Celestial. I don't think you can get more chaotic than 'half-demon who flips off all the angels involved in this'.
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...I expected as much. [ hee hee. ] That makes two of us, then.
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[One less worry.]
I'm kinda surprised that a god is against authority though. But then again you don't really like those stuffy rules huh?
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...I once defied the Heavenly Emperor because I felt that the rules of the Heavens were too restricting. I wanted to save people, and I felt like I was stuck there, doing nothing. So I descended to see the people and help them without his permission.
[ he lifts his hand, gently brushing against the bandages on his throat. ] I was punished for the action, but... I still don't regret it, even now.
[ even though things didnt turn out right; even though he didn't manage to save his kingdom, or his people... it's so much better that he was able to try. sometimes xie lian wrestles even now with what would have happened if he stayed away, but... watching people suffer and doing nothing felt like more of a crime than anything. ]
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Yeah. That sounds like something you'd do.
[He sounds proud of Xie Lian when he says that so. Fuck the rules, saving people is the most important thing.]
What did they do to you? For the punishment.
[He's looking to the bandages at Xie Lian's neck now.]
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but, he laughs a little at first at that sounds like something you'd do, because he's aware of his own qualities as a very stubborn and occasionally very stupid person, but... the laughter fades very quickly.
self consciously, he curls his hand at the bandages. ]
... Something that was worth it. [ something that is still a sore spot, it seems. ] But - it seems those of us on the Celestial team have that sort of attitude in behavior in common. [ the fuck u authority, anyway. ]
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[Something that was worth it, huh?
Well. This is the time for sharing, so even if it's something troubling Rin will share it. Because he's noticing some similarities between himself and Xie Lian, and above all else Rin wants to make sure Xie Lian doesn't feel alone in his suffering.]
You've seen the ring on my tail before, yeah? Since you do the body checks and all, usually.
[It's literally right by his ass though, so Xie Lian might have been looking away respectfully. So he's checking to see if he knows about the ring.]
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...I think I recall such a thing. [ he does not spend much time looking for assvidence so no he could not tell you what it looked like, but a glimmer of gold is not hard to miss. ] Why do you ask?
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[Despite how awful that sounds, he smiles.]
I've always had trouble controlling my power. I lost control of myself and became a monster way too many times, back at the beginning. I kept thinking 'it's okay, I'm using my power to help people, so it's fine.' But it wasn't fine, because I would lose control and then start hurting innocent people too. So this was the church's solution, to keep me in check and to protect the people around me.
[Even if he hadn't lost control like that in ages, not before the incident here with Tsuru. If someone had known the words to activate the ring, then maybe...
...no, Rin can't think like that. 'What ifs' are pointless, there's no changing the past. He has to own up to what he did and carry on.]
It might not be exactly the same for you, but that's kinda what whatever's under the bandages are for, yeah? "You fucked up, we're putting this on you so you don't fuck up again" or something like that.
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...it's a little different, but the meaning is still the same. the gesture of sharing is appreciated, and xie lian turns his head to look at him, expression soft and quietly fond, brows knit together. ]
... I see what you mean.
[ he's quiet, for a longer moment after that.
...
and then, eventually, reaches up to unwind the bandages. it's the only gesture he can do to match the kindness rin has given by sharing this with him.
the black shackle itself looks almost burnt into his skin; unlike rin's, it is not a physical object, but rather, a marking. a sign. ]
...I have not been entirely truthful with you, Rin. When I defied the Heavenly Emperor, by all technicality, I was punished by being banished from the Heavens - I lost my position as a martial god. This shackle seals off half of my spiritual energy.
[ not all of it; it is too strong to be taken down by only one. xie lian has always been exceptional. ]
It is only temporary; the Heavenly Emperor expects that I will be able to reascend. I have kept many of my powers, and believers still sustain my body as immortal.
...So less than a prevention, and... [ xie lian stops, for a moment, and then, turns his face away. his dark hair curtains over his shoulders as he does, hiding the mark once more. ] ...More so, a mark of shame.
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But as he listens, he starts to frown. How utterly unfair, for Xie Lian to lose so much for an ultimately good act. There is a lot of the story he is probably missing, he knows that, but his heart aches for Xie Lian. Especially when he hears that last bit.]
What absolute bullshit.
[He's mad at the Heavely Emporer, not Xie Lian. But his words are no less passionate.]
Shame? You're supposed to feel shame about that mark? Fuck that! There is nothing to be ashamed of here! You saw people suffering and said "no more, I have to do something".
You defied the gods and stood up for the unfortunate when nobody else would. That mark isn't one of shame, it's one of pride. It's proof that you're worthy of being a God, because anyone who wouldn't help those in need sure as hell isn't godlike.