[Allen doesn't resist the getting pulled into a hug but he's not really hugging back, standing kind of stiffly because he's trying. to keep it reined in, locked down. what good would it do for anyone to fall apart...?]
W-when we found her, she was in a different cage. An electric blade coming down. Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi tried to disable the system, Mr. Sholmes tried to find a weak point in the cage, and I--I hit it. With my hand? And the blade went down faster and we couldn't stop it--
[and he's shaking because he can still hear Rika crying for her daemon, crying about how she didn't want to be alone and they didn't even say anything to her.]
We didn't... even say anything to her. Just. Tried to stop it...
[See, Rin is of the opposite mind. Keeping stuff in, trying to look controlled, that's no good at all. Falling apart isn't just okay, it's actually important. Because you can't start picking up the pieces and rebuilding yourself until you've let yourself fall apart.
So even if Allen doesn't react to the hug, Rin just keeps holding onto him regardless. It's a physical reminder that he's here, and that he can be the strong one for the moments when Allen needs to be weak.]
But you tried. Even if it didn't turn out right, you tried.
What happened, it's horrible. But you're not the scientists who did that. You didn't turn your back on Rika, you didn't fail her. You tried. And even if shit's all fucked up, the fact that you tried shows that you're a good person. That even if you couldn't stop it, you were still trying.
[In the back of his mind, Rin can see all of the mis-steps he's made. A sword running through his father. A room bathed in blue fire while a friend bleeds out on the floor. A lost teenage boy, kneeling on the ground and ready to die only to see a brother make the worst sacrifice possible.]
Things just...don't always turn out okay. And it leaves a lot of scars on the heart. But it hurts because you care, and that's better than not caring and feeling nothing.
[his trauma's showing because he can't, he really can't. grieving so much, heart aching so badly about everything that's happened--he's made the worst mistakes of his life when it was like this so he absolutely... cannot...]
[He will keep repeating that as many times as Allen needs to hear it.]
It hurts now, and I know you're being too hard on yourself. But it gets easier eventually. It might take days or weeks or even longer, but eventually you'll be able to stand on your own two feet again.
And until then, I'll give you a piggyback ride, yeah? What happened to you, it's some heavy shit. So let me help you carry it, okay?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-11-06 02:30 am (UTC)W-when we found her, she was in a different cage. An electric blade coming down. Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi tried to disable the system, Mr. Sholmes tried to find a weak point in the cage, and I--I hit it. With my hand? And the blade went down faster and we couldn't stop it--
[and he's shaking because he can still hear Rika crying for her daemon, crying about how she didn't want to be alone and they didn't even say anything to her.]
We didn't... even say anything to her. Just. Tried to stop it...
no subject
Date: 2021-11-06 02:44 am (UTC)So even if Allen doesn't react to the hug, Rin just keeps holding onto him regardless. It's a physical reminder that he's here, and that he can be the strong one for the moments when Allen needs to be weak.]
But you tried. Even if it didn't turn out right, you tried.
What happened, it's horrible. But you're not the scientists who did that. You didn't turn your back on Rika, you didn't fail her. You tried. And even if shit's all fucked up, the fact that you tried shows that you're a good person. That even if you couldn't stop it, you were still trying.
[In the back of his mind, Rin can see all of the mis-steps he's made. A sword running through his father. A room bathed in blue fire while a friend bleeds out on the floor. A lost teenage boy, kneeling on the ground and ready to die only to see a brother make the worst sacrifice possible.]
Things just...don't always turn out okay. And it leaves a lot of scars on the heart. But it hurts because you care, and that's better than not caring and feeling nothing.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-06 03:24 am (UTC)[his trauma's showing because he can't, he really can't. grieving so much, heart aching so badly about everything that's happened--he's made the worst mistakes of his life when it was like this so he absolutely... cannot...]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-06 03:33 am (UTC)[He will keep repeating that as many times as Allen needs to hear it.]
It hurts now, and I know you're being too hard on yourself. But it gets easier eventually. It might take days or weeks or even longer, but eventually you'll be able to stand on your own two feet again.
And until then, I'll give you a piggyback ride, yeah? What happened to you, it's some heavy shit. So let me help you carry it, okay?