[Xie Lian isn't wrong, those are things Rin has done to help others. Rin is just someone who judges himself more harshly than others. While he judges others by their intentions, he judges himself by his actions. It's the opposite of how most people do things, actually.
And it's hard, to hear such praise when you feel like you don't deserve it. But it's coming from Xie Lian, someone he trusts implicitly, so he can't just deny it. Even if the voices calling for his failure are loud, he tries to drown them out, to truly hear what Xie Lian is saying.
Because Xie Lian isn't the god of the central plains. He's a man with a good heart who saves unlucky children and defends those who can't defend themselves, and if he's saying something then he means it.]
It's hard, you know? I still see him when I close my eyes. I still smell the ash and embers and blood, and I still hear his final words. Even on the nights when Allen's right there, sometimes I still have those same nightmares. Sometimes...
[Sometimes you're still just a 16-year-old boy who's struggling to cope with the fact that he killed someone, demonic possession notwithstanding.]
I just...I'm trying, I really am. And I know there's people counting on me to be the strong one here. But it's hard, okay? I just close my eyes and I can see him laying there, smiling like he was happy to see me, even while he was dying.
['it wasn't my intention to surprise you in this way...'
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-11-14 04:25 am (UTC)And it's hard, to hear such praise when you feel like you don't deserve it. But it's coming from Xie Lian, someone he trusts implicitly, so he can't just deny it. Even if the voices calling for his failure are loud, he tries to drown them out, to truly hear what Xie Lian is saying.
Because Xie Lian isn't the god of the central plains. He's a man with a good heart who saves unlucky children and defends those who can't defend themselves, and if he's saying something then he means it.]
It's hard, you know? I still see him when I close my eyes. I still smell the ash and embers and blood, and I still hear his final words. Even on the nights when Allen's right there, sometimes I still have those same nightmares. Sometimes...
[Sometimes you're still just a 16-year-old boy who's struggling to cope with the fact that he killed someone, demonic possession notwithstanding.]
I just...I'm trying, I really am. And I know there's people counting on me to be the strong one here. But it's hard, okay? I just close my eyes and I can see him laying there, smiling like he was happy to see me, even while he was dying.
['it wasn't my intention to surprise you in this way...'
Those words still ring in his ears, even now.]